Rehab: Goku Style
by Zogeta
Summary: Vegeta has a problem with substances and coping. Enter Kakarot with a risky, radical plan that just might work...if he could just get Vegeta to wake up first. Appropriate warnings at begininng of each chapter.
1. It wasn't always this way

**Rehab**

**By Zogeta**

**Begun 8th October **

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Disclaimer: 

Clearly, I'm not making any money from this. If I were, I'd have a Sony Vaio laptop and a harem of beautiful men at my beck and call. I wouldn't be a starving university student then. I'm using the characters for the pleasure of myself and my readers and I will make sure that they get returned to their realm in good condition when I'm done.

**Flamer** Disclaimer:

I have decided that I will stop trying to please everyone. If you don't like the story because you don't like the idea of two men kissing or whatever, I suggest you pull your head out of your ass and get off the internet. However, I am open to constructive criticism of my grammar, style or POV's. **If you are a silly little teenager who hasn't actually written anything before and wouldn't know a great novel if it read itself to you, please, PLEASE don't bother to correct me**, especially with a review full of grammatical errors. I will not take you seriously and you'll be wasting everyone's time.

Flames (unconstructive and abusive condemnation) will be publicly ridiculed at the beginning of each story so that the world will see your arrogance for what it is: _ignorance_. I'm tired of being annoyed by kids who don't know the difference between a constructive review and a full-out flame. Saying you think that "gay guys are gross" just shows that you are a narrow-minded little asshole who has no right to judge the opinions of others. If you don't like the plot because it makes you uncomfortable, please leave without reviewing.

Remember: THIS ISN'T YOUR MOMMA'S HOUSE. BEHAVE APPROPRIATELY.

Now that the unpleasantries are out of the way…

Summary:

This story is a humble little fanfic. It contains swearing, substance abuse and a little angst. Vegeta has a problem. A problem with substances, with his spirit and its departure. It'll take longer than twenty eight days to make this right. Enter Kakarot and a radical, risky plan that he might, just might pull off.

There will be some cute and fluffy bits and I think that Kakarot and Geeters deserve a happy ending this time.

Kakarot: Yeah! Last time you killed Veggie! (pouts) We didn't even get around to having sex.

Vegeta: But you visited me in heaven and there was plenty of good loving. The ending wasn't entirely unhappy that time.

Kakarot: Yeah, but…this time I get to have you all to myself!

Vegeta: (smirks and wags tail) Indeed.

As always, thanks to my ed, GutterBall, and to Clarobell to her incredible support. She's the reason why I'm back on I was planning to kinda disappear forever after the last time I was on the site. I didn't enjoy being bullied by reviewers nor being paranoid about the site's rules. But hopefully, this should be smoother since I'm putting warnings up everywhere.

So, on with the chapter!

Warnings for this chapter:

Language, angst.

LAST CHANCE TO RUN AWAY, CHILDREN!

**Alcohol drowns more people than water**

**And so the mighty fall**

**One **

**It wasn't always this way, was it?**  


Waking up with no memory. It's becoming a bad, recurring habit. I wonder how I got here, and where I got this bottle of cane spirit. Here I am, in some random corridor in Capsule Corp, in a torn training suit covered in stains I don't want to think about, clutching an empty bottle of alcohol and half the Saiyan I used to be. It wasn't always this bad, I swear it wasn't. I was fine, I think. Was I? I don't know. Hard to remember anything now. And I used to have such a good memory, better than I wanted it to be.

I think I became…the way I am…not that I have a _problem_, or whatever, after that whole thing with Majin Buu. I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm trying to forget or ignore, but it must've been pretty bad if I'm working my way to the bottom of a bottle every hour or so.

I roll onto my back, pillowing the empty bottle in my arm. It's such a good friend to me, though I feel like I'm being hit hard in the back of my head for my own…weakness. It wasn't always like this, was it? No. I used to deal with things in other ways. Violence. Eating. Binging. Throwing up. Training. Cutting myself to ribbons. Such a bundle of problems, Vegeta-sama. I suppose alcohol is as good as any other way to blot out…whatever it is.

Well, it's doing a damn good job. Hah.

Poor little prince with a hangover. Half-functional alcoholic and failure at everything else. The only thing I do well is drink. Oh, I can put it away like no one else. With my metabolism, it takes two bottles of tequila before I start smiling. As a Saiyan, it takes a lot more before I start drooling and giggling before collapsing into much needed tears. If I'm lucky, there's no one around when I put my hands over my face and sob into my scarred, branded hands. Hands with Frieza's crest scarred into my palms and cuts webbing from my wrists up to my elbows. They ask why I wear gloves, the fools. But then I drink some more, and some more, and then I'm happy because I can't remember my name, much less my problems.

Ah, gods, I need a drink. Another one. I'm thinking again, and that's always a bad thing. I'm no good when I think. Because when I think, I remember, and then there's not much point to drinking, is there? Makes all the liquid a waste, doesn't it? I like to not think. I thought for too much of my life. Thought about everything that went wrong and how I let it go wrong because I was weak and…bah, thinking is for fuckbags. I don't want to think about this. About the waste my life has become. Punishing myself for my previous weakness by giving in to the blissful void that is alcohol. Trading one weakness for another.

For all my purported intelligence, I feel pretty fucking stupid when I'm sober.

I sit up, putting a hand (gloved) to my forehead and breathing slowly, the inside of my mouth thickly lined with god knows what slime build-up and my brain flopped on the floor of my skull, wondering where next it'll get a fix. My stomach is growling and nausea ebbs in and out of my throat. No wonder I hate being sober.

None of this is my fault. I think. No, don't think. Drink. Mmm. Drinking is good, Vegeta. It takes all the pain away. Takes away your broken spirit and lost honour. Drowns out the very last shreds of dignity you managed to find in the five years before Kakarot came back. When you were someone's daddy and someone's wife, not a fucking waste drinking enough to drown a whale. Fucking waste of genetics I am. If I'm not binging on pastries then I'm throwing it all up, if I'm not training for god knows what then I'm slicing my wrists and ankles open in the shower and watching the blood dance down the drain.

Fuck all of this. If I drink, it'll go away. I can make it go away. I won't let it matter, won't let anything hurt. Throw my pain into a sea of whiskey because I don't know what else to do with it. Drown it all in sorrows and regret and Jack Daniels. Drown and _die_, Vegeta. You're not worth fuck to anyone. When was the last time someone spoke to you, shit-for-brains? Worthless, pathetic prince? Still nothing more than Frieza's favourite whore and a useless father. Can't even remember the last time I saw Trunks or the woman.

Gotta focus on the next drink. Gotta get up and get me some vodka. I can pass clear spirits off as water in the morning. I'll have beer with lunch and whiskey to warm me at night. Don't think about anything else. They don't need you, you don't need them. Go find your friend Jonny Walker. He'll make it all better, _Vegeta no Ouji_. Make you forget about everything that matters. Talk to Jose Cuervo. Make it all fade away into the happy white oblivion because you don't know how else to cope.

I'm just trying to wipe out all the pain of decades of imprisonment, of sorrow and loss and degradation of self and race. I'm so tired of sucking it all up and soldiering on. Acting like nothing's wrong; that the great Vegeta, pinnacle of a warrior race, feels no pain and has no horrors. A prince that always thought too much and felt too much and never thought of giving in to the overwhelming desperation eating at the inside of the ego. Vegeta, who always had to be strong for Raditz and Nappa, who had to be strong for Kakarot, for his son, for his wife and never for himself.

I took their punishments. I took the beatings for Raditz and Nappa when they were late with purges or started fights with Frieza's favourites. I carried Bulma through her grieving over Kakarot, ignoring my own sorrow at my abrupt loneliness and loss of my rival. I tried to buy Kakarot time, dying because he took longer to heal than he was supposed to. Frieza finally had me broken at his feet, truly defeated after nearly three decades of abuse. He finally made me cry when the agony of whips and rape and broken tailbones had had no effect before.

Always so strong for others, always fighting against my odds and coming out the far end only to be greeted by indifference. I bled and fought so hard for my subjects, for my family, and I have yet to receive the same sort of unwavering support from anyone. Not my family, not Kakarot.

And why do I give in now, after so many years of being strong for no one who cared for it?

Because you're pathetic, Vegeta. That's why I'm here in this corridor, craving alcohol because I'm so tired of bearing my pain. I'm so _tired_ of being independent and trying to deal with my multitude of sins and sorrows without outside help. Finally gave in to my weakness, finally took help in the form of a narcotic because there's no one who cares enough to step into my life and look past the personality I put before the world to see the wrecked, crushed, wretched weakling cowering from his own demons.

Well, no use flogging a dead Icejin over the matter, is there? Let's go have a bloody Mary, or Harvey Wallbanger. Those drinks that look like juice with a lovely kick to make it all worthwhile. Shame and pride are things I can no longer afford, no longer own. What does it matter anymore?

At the end of it all, I'd rather not remember how so very wrong things are.


	2. I'm just trying to help

**Rehab**

**By Zogeta**

**STANDARD FLAMER'S WARNING:**

Remember: THIS ISN'T YOUR MOMMA'S HOUSE. BEHAVE APPROPRIATELY.

Now that the unpleasantries are out of the way…

Summary:

This story is a humble little fanfic. It contains swearing, substance abuse and a little angst. Vegeta has a problem. A problem with substances, with his spirit and its departure. It'll take longer than twenty eight days to make this right. Enter Kakarot and a radical, risky plan that he might, just might pull off.

There will be some cute and fluffy bits and I think that Kakarot and Geeters deserve a happy ending this time.

REVIEWER REPLIES

**WarriorFormallyKnownAsPrince:** Thank you! I hope you'll enjoy the rest. Cool screen name as well!

**Dark Serapha:** (blushes) You're too kind. You're welcome to use the gloves idea; I didn't think it was original but maybe it is. I'm sure I picked it up somewhere, wish I could remember where…Oh, Geeters is just a little nickname I like to use. I wouldn't use it in a story. Poor Vegeta has a difficult name to shorten, but I've got a cool name for Kakarot to use for him later when things are a little more stable. Personally, I think shortening of names can be really dodgy, since it's either a sign or affection or its patronizing. I don't like random strangers calling me Zo, but my friends (and this includes the regular reviewers as well) can call me Zo, short for Zoë or Zogeta. (grumbles) My muse Brolly calls me 'Zogeeeter' to annoy me.

**Chuquita: **Don't worry; I'll make things right for both our Saiyans!

**ArtysSexKitten: **Yeah, I've been really quiet lately, but I have been busy with a whole lot of writing, both original and fanfiction. I can't remember reviews from you but maybe you've changed your name? However, glad you like the story, and Kakarot will arrive in the next chapter. I'll probably do the whole thing in first person, and up to where I've written, there's a lot Vegeta's POV out of necessity but it will change to a Goku perspective when the time is right.

**BlackDragonSoul: **Welcome back! Glad you like this so far! I'm pleased with it myself. I only ever read Chuquita's stuff on because its all Mary-Sues and silly teenagers with strange plots. Call me arrogant but there's nothing new on this site. I hope to break that mould! I'm hoping to be regular with updates, but since this story is still in progress, I can't promise anything. I'm eternally grateful for any support against flamers and you don't strike me as the type petty enough to flame.

**Lenora:** ACK! I didn't see that stupid mistake! (is embarrassed) Brolly! Why didn't you tell me that was there!

Brolly: Hey! It's up to you to do your own checking, moron! And you checked it twelve times and still didn't see that mistake so deal with it!

(Throws shoe at him) Useless muse! Anyway, thanks for pointing that out. I'm glad you read so closely. Kakarot will swoop down to rescue Vegeta in the next chapter and will attempt to make things well. Chapter three will have some cute bits, so I'm warning you ahead of time!

**Clarobell:** I wouldn't disappear on you! You'll always get fics from me, you know that. Oh, that password you're looking for is 'hentai'. Yes, it is. But there's no porn in that story, sadly. I find my style changes a little with the different views but it's quite recognizable. I'll try to have regular Sunday updates, but since this story is still in progress and I'm working on a joint fic with my editor (which will be lemon-flavoured!) as well as some original stuff, PLUS I'm going to be a freshman soon! How scary! I'll try to find as much time as possible, but I'll try to update at least every two or three Sundays. I won't disappear for many months on end like I did once.

Flamers taste good on rye bread with mayo! Brolly and I quite like to start our day with them.

**Tatoosh**: Hey, another author from the Hideaway! This opening could have gone too far either way but I'm glad I hit the right balance. Yeah, the multitudes in the last story were really irritating sometimes so it put me off for a long while. Meh, I'm happy to just write without praise or earnings, but it is useful to get feedback and know what works, ya know? Anyway, I'll see you Sundays!

_**And from me…**_

It's good to be back! From what I can tell, the reviewers are older and more open to suggestion than the usual swarm of teenyboppers who use that disgusting 'lurve' word! Like I said to Clarobell and BlackDragonSoul, I can't promise very regular updates. My usual update time is around 11pm Sunday, South African time (GMT +2, in case you're interested) but this story _isn't complete_. Which means that I will listen to excellent suggestions and ideas. It also means that I might not have a chapter ready every Sunday. I'm starting my first year of University on the 4th of Feb (after a really long gap year of working in restaurants. Ugh.), which means I'll be hectically busy and might not be able to write. HOWEVER I will do my best to keep the gaps between chapters short. Maybe three weeks at the most. We'll have to see how it goes, and I won't sacrifice quality for quantity. I'd rather do the chapter properly than post a weak little one in its place.

Have a wonderful week, and be someone's hero.

Regards,

Zo and Brolly

000

**It's much easier to point out the problem than it is to say just how it should be solved**

**Get up, fallen Prince**

000

000

000

Two – I'm just trying to help

"Vegeta, I think you've got a problem."

I look up to see Kakarot bent over me, wherever it is I ended up this time. I grin at him, then burst out laughing, thumping whatever bottle it is I have in my hand against the floor. It's hilarious! A problem? Of course I have a fucking problem! I _am_ a problem! Oh, you're such a kidder, Kakarot! Looking all concerned and worried. _Like you fucking care_. It's a bit too late now, isn't it?

"That's cute, Kakarot! Ten points for spotting that, splinky! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an urgent appointment with a pretty bottle of Jagermeister chilling in the fridge."

I sit up and put a hand out to find a wall. Ah, how convenient. There's one right here. I lean my back against it and push myself to my feet, always so shaky beneath me. Damn useless things. Woah, the room's spinning. I put a hand over my eyes and wait until the world steadies and my feet can take my weight again. Okay. We have something like equilibrium, captain. I open my eyes again, and the great, orange _idiot_ is still there.

"Yes? What is it?"

Kakarot steps closer, looming over me. Does he always have to remind me that I'm short? My growth was long stunted by Frieza so that I would always fit so nicely beneath him. My Icejin lover. Thanks to the pedophile, I haven't grown since I was twelve. Oh, fuck, I'm thinking again, aren't I? Better derail this train of thought before I get depressed all over again and need even more alcohol. I put my hands on Kakarot's chest and try to push him away, but he doesn't move. Damn.

"Kakarot…go…just…go, dammit…"

He puts his hands on my shoulders, pushes me back against the wall carefully and bends down to my height. I turn my head away, not liking how close he is. I don't…I don't like it when people get so close. _Especially_ people his size.

"Vegeta…I'm here to take you to rehab. My sort of rehab."

For once, I have nothing to say. I blink and try to shake his grip loose but he holds on firmly, though he doesn't hurt me. A thousand emotions, and no alcohol to bleach them out. Why? I don't need help! I've got all the help I need and it's in a chemical! I don't want to be alone with Kakarot! I don't want to go! I don't need to go! He can't make me!

"Fuck you, Kakarot. I don't need help! I don't need _your_ help!"

But he just holds me, his face not changing. He looks…disappointed? Why? "Stop pitying me, Kakarot! Don't you fucking dare!"

"This isn't pity, or charity, Vegeta." He sighs and drops his eyes to the scars all over my unfortunately naked hands. "This is…I don't know what to call it. I guess you could say that I'm…trying. Trying to make things better. With your help. I didn't come asking for permission to do so. Let's go."

He lifts one hand from my shoulder and puts two fingers to his forehead, smiling a little as he does so. Capsule Corp is whipped away and there are thousands of windows and doors floating in a golden void. The next moment we pass through one and land outside a house in a green field next to a river.

My stomach disagrees with this mode of transport and I dry heave, though I can't remember when last I ate. God, I hate being sober. Kakarot steps back, keeping me within arm's reach. To be frank, I couldn't really care too much right now. My only focus is that distant bottle of Jagermeister I so wanted. Damn Kakarot for taking it away.

"I think you need a bath, Vegeta. You stink."

"How nice of you to point that out," I mutter, feeling the annoying reality of sobriety settling in place. I hate this state of being. I'm too busy glaring death at the grass (when was the last time I saw that stuff?) when Kakarot picks me up and tucks me under his arm, grinning as he marches off to the river with me looking like a large bath towel.

"What the hell are you doing now?" I demand, trying to glare at him. He grins at me and simply keeps walking. As the water gets closer I realize he has no intent of letting me go and I start to struggle. Sadly, whatever strength I once had is a mere third of what it once was and Kakarot just tightens his grip.

"Come on, Vegeta! A nice afternoon swim will do you good!"

"I hate swimming!"

"Well, a bath then. It'll be fun!"

"No! A martini would be fun! Not bathing with you, idiot! I want to go home!"

Kakarot reaches the edge of the river, toeing his boots off without putting me down. "This is home now, Vegeta. Just trust me on this, okay?"

I look away, folding my arms. This is undignified, but dignity is something I said goodbye to a while ago. I guess I deserve whatever it Kakarot has in store for me. Maybe he can help me figure out what it is that makes me drink. Or maybe he'll make my life a misery. Whatever. I'm too past it to care anymore.

He wades into the water, which I'll admit is pretty. It's clear and it doesn't seem too cold. He swings me out from under his arm like I'm some rag doll and places me waist-deep in the water. I'm not much more than a doll anyway. He looks sad for a moment.

"You've lost a lot of weight, Vegeta."

No condemnation, but I can't help feeling ashamed. Shame is familiar and I blush, not knowing what else to do. Kakarot eases off my tattered, filthy blue top, tossing it onto the bank. He takes no notice of his wet clothes, but maybe he doesn't really mind. I shift, my skin twitching as he scoops water onto it. I don't _like_ being so close, and I try to edge away, fear a tiny trickle down my spine. I've always been scared of those stronger than me, and what they could do to me…and I'm so weak now, I couldn't fight a horny Kakarot. Best take it as it comes until I can find something to make it all better. Something like housecleaner. That has alcohol in it…

He doesn't look away from me as he wipes off the dirt of I don't know how many days, his big hands so gentle. I can't seem to relax and my fists won't unclench, but Kakarot pauses, a hand resting on my shoulder.

"Am I hurting you?"

I shake my head, too overwhelmed to do much else. Why does he have to do this? He's scaring me! But I don't want him to know that. I step away, trying not to look defensive.

"I'd…I'd rather wash myself."

He nods and moves to sit on a boulder and I duck underneath, the water waking me up, though I didn't know how groggy I was before. I surface, gasping as the air cools my skin and the bronze shows through under a layer of dirt. It disgusts me, another sign that I need a drink. I'm thinking and I don't like it.

Desperation strikes me suddenly and I run, blindly, stumbling up the river bank and across the field, soaking wet and scared. I can't…I _can't_ do this! I need a drink! I need to stop thinking about things and how far I've let myself fall and how long I've stayed down!

Kakarot tackles me, bringing me down hard. I try to elbow him but he straddles my lower back, holding me down in the grass. I bite my lower lip and try to bury my face into the grass. Oh gods, I've made him angry, he's going to make me pay now, like Zarbon did when I didn't purge my planets on time. I knew this could only be a bad idea!

I scrunch my eyes shut, preparing myself for the pain that never got any easier, no matter how many times it happened. I wait for him to tear my pants off and fist his hand into my hair as he reminds me exactly how weak I am. Wait for the pain to scorch through my stomach and up my spine and down my thighs.

But nothing comes, and I almost bite through my lip and split it with the force. Kakarot gets off me and draws me up into his arms, holding me close as he rocks back and forth and strokes my hair. I hiccup, once again ashamed. The disgrace of a year's drinking and self-destruction crashes down on me, my mind no longer insulated by alcohol. I cry, and cry, and Kakarot never once says an admonishing word. I fist my hands into his gi and bury my face into that warm, clean fabric, my shoulders shaking. I can't control the emotions nor keep them blanketed. Without alcohol, I am weaker than ever, and I'm angry at myself, and I feel something like sorrow for everything I allowed myself to lose in a disgusting sweep of weakness.

Eventually, my chest loosens enough so that I can breathe, though I hiccup every now and then. Kakarot never stops rocking nor stroking, letting me curl up like a neglected child on his lap, still shivering in my wet clothes. Shame and regret and anger wash in and out of my mind as alternating tides, and I'm desperate for anything to make it all stop.

I've always felt too much and thought too much for as long as I can remember. Alcohol stopped me from feeling and thinking and I hate my cowardice now that I can recognize it for what it is.

I pound my fist against Kakarot's chest, shaking with all these whirlwinds I can't bottle and drink away. "WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME FEEL AGAIN!" I scream, trying to get out of his grip. I struggle but he holds on tight, letting me hit and kick and headbutt without retribution.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE ME! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, KAKAROT! **I DON'T WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING**!"

He pulls me closer to him and smiles against my forehead. "Your strength lies in your feelings, Vegeta, as does mine. It's hard to adjust, but rather this renewal than feeling nothing at all, as those without a soul do. You have to trust me with this. _Please_."

I have no energy left to kick Kakarot with. I haven't eaten in maybe a week, and I haven't slept properly for god knows how long. I slump and let him hold me. I close my eyes and let my hands fist in his gi again. "I need a drink."

He laughs into my hair, though I feel no sting from his light-heartedness. Something tells me I should, but I'm tired. That onslaught of repressed emotion has taken everything out of me.

"I'll get you something, Vegeta. Let's go into the house and get you into some clean clothes. Bit by bit, I'm going to make you a proud prince again. I wouldn't have you any other way. Let's go home."

000

000

000

Kakarot leads me by the hand into the white capsule house sitting on the grass. He sits me down on the couch and grabs some towels off a table. I take them and nod in acknowledgement, wrapping one around my shoulders. He goes into a room to my left and I look around. The kitchen is open-plan with an island to eat on, and there are several doors leading off from this room. There are big, comfortable couches and a huge bowl of sweets sits on the coffee table before me. I feel the cravings settle in and I swallow hard, thinking about some cold tequila and how nice it would taste slipping down my throat. I look around, looking for an alcohol cabinet of some sort.

Kakarot returns with a bundle of clothes stacked on his hand and he sits next to me.

"I've got you some weighted clothes so that you can get back into shape again. I figure your body has a memory of your strength, so all we need to do is get your muscles back. I don't think your power level has decreased any. So, here's your top, and your pants…"

He holds out the items, all blue or white and baggy. I take them and he smiles. "I guess I should take you to your room, right? It's right next to mine so if you need anything, I'm not far."

I stare at the items, knowing that I should be angry that he's doing everything for me. The old me would have insisted that he stop coddling me, though pride is something I've lost along with everything else. I need help. I'll admit that much. I'm not stupid, and I'll take it anyway I can get it. If Kakarot will help…I'll take it.

If he's offering me vodka, I won't refuse that either.

I get up and follow him into the room he went into a few moments ago. It's…better than my room back at Capsule Corp. At least its clean and smells nice and has a big bed and a cupboard with clothes. A water jug and accompanying glass sits on a nightstand and a large window spans the wall, giving me a view over the river and its willow trees. Kakarot walks over to a door set into the wall next to the cupboards.

"This door connects our rooms. You know you can wake me at any time, even if it is just to hit me or whatever. So…you hungry? I was thinking of going out and hunting some game or we could just have sandwiches."

I sit down on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling exhausted though I want some questions answered. I set aside the clothes he gave me, not really having the energy to change into them.

"Maybe after a nap, Kakarot. But answer me this: why are you doing this?"

Kakarot sits beside me, though a foot away. "Because I've watched your decline, and I think it might have something to do with me and Majin Buu. Also, because I hate seeing you this way and…well, because you're all I have left."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "What about the woman? And your kids?"

He looks at the floor, his shoulders slumping. "ChiChi kicked me out and banned me from seeing the kids." He lifts his shirts up and a long tail uncurls from the material, the dark tip nodding at me.

"My tail grew back, and she freaked out. She called me an animal and…chased me out of the house. She never did like my Saiyan side and my friends don't like it either. So, that's why you're all I have left. But I'm not doing this as a way to pass time or do my karma some good. I'm doing this because I…because I honestly want you at your best. Maybe it's a little selfish but…that's how it is."

I nod, the answer settling me. "Fair enough. I don't suppose you could get me a double Jacks on the rocks?"

He looks up from the floor and fixes me with a serious look. "No alcohol, Vegeta. You're not running away from anything anymore. We're going to work through this together and from now on that means no more alcohol. You're smart enough to know better by now."

I sigh and move further up the bed, climbing under the covers. So much better than the floors I've been falling asleep on for the last few months. "I don't like it, but I know you're right. I'm going to sleep now, Kakarot. Wake me when lunch is ready."

He smiles and stands up, tucking me in, as ridiculous as it seems. He hears my snorts and that smile turns into a full out grin. "Yep. Sounds like the Vegeta no Ouji I know is coming back already. There's no rush to make everything right but its good to make progress. Maybe we'll spar this evening, if you want."

I nod absently, already falling asleep. I can't remember the last time I managed to sleep without the help of alcohol. Kakarot sits next to me, stroking my hair. It feels too nice to protest, and I finally find sleep, letting it drop over me and lull me into much-needed peace.


	3. Choose to cope

Authors note

I apologise for the lack of reviewers replies tonight. Yesterday I sliced a finger on my right hand and damaged an artery, a nerve, and a tendon. The hand is question is to remain elevated and still so that it doesn't bleed or the stitches pulled out. I'm seeing a surgeon on Monday morning to do appropriate repairs. It is hard and frustrating to write with only my left and I will have to postpone replies until I am capable. Also, this puts a major dent in my writing and this means this story will take much longer to finish.

I do apologise, everyone. It was a stupid injury (from a martini glass stem. I pushed too hard and it snapped in half) and as soon as I have regained the use of my right hand, I'll be typing. Hopefully, the operation tomorrow should give me back the use of my hand.

Your support is most welcome and I will not let a review go unnoticed. Even though there are only eight of you tracking this story, I'm glad to know that someone out there looks forward to my updates. There might not be an update next week (I'm starting varsity on Friday) but I will keep in touch.

Okay, my hand is really sore now…and this took far too damn long to type.

Warmest regards,

Zogeta

Ps: Easter Egg for the week: see if you notice that there's something Vegeta leaves out of his daily routine… (snickers)

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THREE – Choose to Cope

I can't believe Vegeta trusts me like this. I suppose he realizes that he needs to work through this problem. The hardest parts are still coming, though. We're going to have to go over unwelcome ground and I'll have to keep him away from alcohol but I think he can get through this. He's been through so much before and he knows he can cope when he chooses to.

When we were fused, I did sneak into his mind. He was too busy playing around with Vegito to notice my actions. I've seen everything about him, and I know he's capable of great personal strength when he chooses. I think that whatever it was that pushed him over the edge this time happened after we fused…and maybe he was just tired of being strong and coping. I've felt like that many times. It would be so much easier to be Kakarot instead of everyone's hero, Son Goku.

I know I should let him sleep, but I can't seem to stop stroking his hair. He's beautiful when he sleeps, even though he's thin and pale and unhealthy. His hair looks almost gray in this afternoon sun and his skin is sallow and oily. Not what I'm used to. I plan to fix all of that, and put him back on his proverbial throne. He probably won't thank me or stay with me when he's better, but the effort is worth it. Any progress is rewarding enough for me. I hate seeing him like this, and I meant it when I said that it might have something to do with me. I can't think of any other reason why. He started this almost immediately after Majin Buu, when he had alcohol at Gohan's birthday party and drunk himself into a catatonic state and we found him sprawled in one of the fountains at Capsule Corp. That was where it started, I think.

He mumbles in his sleep and I can't help smiling. I smooth my hand down his cheek and slowly pull away. He needs food, and dinosaur meat is full of really good vitamins and proteins that Vegeta needs. After the drama of this afternoon, I think I need a good hunt.

I smile as I leave, making sure to close the door behind me.

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When I eventually wake up, the afternoon has long since cooled into evening and something smells good. I roll onto my back, knuckling my eyes. I'm trying my hardest not to think about anything but without the alcohol, that's proving harder than I think I can manage. I need to distract myself, somehow.

Kakarot must have felt my energy shifting because he opens the door and pokes his head in. "Great, you're up. You've been out for four hours but I needed the time to hunt and skin a dinosaur for dinner anyway. You wanna take a shower or a bath or something while I finish up with dinner?"

I shrug, sitting up and scratching my stomach. "A bath sounds like a good idea."

He crosses the room to another door and opens it. "I'll start running you one. The taps are a bit finicky for some reason."

I swing my legs out of bed and yawn, looking down to see some soft, dark blue slippers positioned in just the right place. I wriggle my toes into them and go into the bathroom, where Kakarot is kneeling by a deep, large bath and emptying some stuff into it. He doesn't turn around to address me.

"I found these at the Body Shop…I thought they might help."

"You planned all of this ahead of time?"

He nods and I sit on the closed toilet cover, still in my blue training pants. How did I sleep in wet pants? I must have really been out of it, but its nothing out of the ordinary any more. Kakarot shrugs, reaching for another large bottle, popping the cap with his thumb.

"I knew I'd have to do this properly if I'm going to do it right. I asked Bulma for some help with a few things but I've been working on this for two months or so. If there's one thing I've learnt from you, Vegeta, it's preparation for the worst scenario."

I cock my head to the side and watch Kakarot swirl his hands in the water to spread whatever it is he poured in there before he checks the temperature of the water coming out of the taps. He looks so…peaceful. How strange. Most people are on edge, or awkward, around me. He looks like he's enjoying this. Enjoying looking after me. Kakarot is such an anomaly, but one I don't particularly mind today. I might not be so agreeable once I get _thirsty_ again.

"Smells nice."

He turns to grin at me. "It's a whole vanilla essence set. Maybe we'll try the mango one next time. These oils are really good for your skin and they'll help you relax. I'm just doing the last of the vegetables and I'll let you know when it's all ready. Meanwhile…your bath is ready, prince Vegeta."

I blink at the sound of my title. Though I know he means no real deference by it, it does have a surprisingly soothing effect on me. He leaves the room to give me privacy and I close the door behind him, peeling off my wet pants. Ugh, they're revolting. With clean clothes waiting for me in the cupboard, there's no need for me to preserve this thing. I chuck it into a corner and take off my boots and boxers, embarrassed by how filthy I really am. I hurry into the bath, which is just the right temperature for a Saiyan.

I grab the sponge waiting on the side and start scrubbing. I scrub until my skin goes red and protests my rough treatment. I scrub out the months wasted and the stench of self-loathing, I scrub out the disgrace and the loss until I draw blood and warm water is running down my face and I'm biting through my lip again. The water begins to cool as I keep scrubbing and scrubbing, wearing down the nice-smelling soap Kakarot put there for me. But I don't feel clean. The dirt is inside and I can't get to it like this. Maybe that's why I'm crying, though I know I need to do so. I want to clean the inside with alcohol, though I know that's only adding to the filth I feel within. My shoulders shake and I draw my knees up to my chest, my last scrap of phantom pride cringing at this appalling lack of self-control.

"Vegeta? You alright in there?"

I turn my back on the door, still biting my lower lip and feeling blood trickle down my chin. Maybe if I don't answer he'll go away, even though I can't bring myself to say anything. The door eases open and Kakarot steps inside, and I feel him step closer. I can feel his disappointment. Disappointment in his pet project. But he says nothing, only picking up a washcloth and running the taps again to warm the dirty, cold water. I ball into myself, tightening my grip on my legs. He squirts some liquid soap onto the cloth and lathers it between his hands before rubbing my back with it, the place I can't reach. I peek over my shoulder at him, and he smiles a little.

"I'm not judging you, Vegeta. Feel what you need to feel. Get used to feeling again and I'll make sure you feel safe enough to do so. Here, let me clean your back for you. I know it's a hard place to reach."

I nod and turn my head away, resting my forehead against my knees. I feel less vulnerable this time, but I suppose Kakarot has proved himself. He adds extra pressure, soothing out knots I didn't know I had. One hand washes, the other pushes out tension and I feel myself relaxing, letting my death grip on my calves go and letting my arms rest at my side. Once Kakarot's finished cleaning my back, those big hands settle on my neck and rub out all the tension there before moving to my shoulders. Old injuries quiet down under his ministrations and I'm too relaxed to say anything, never mind get out of the bath, especially now that its warm and up to my chest. I even start purring. I can't remember the last time I did so.

His hands slow their work and rest on my shoulder blades. "I think dinner's just about ready. I'll leave you to get out."

He steps away and puts a towel within reach before leaving. I pout at the loss of such delightful rubbing but I haul myself out of the bath, feeling refreshed. What a difference cleanliness makes. I unfold the towel Kakarot's put aside for me and my eyes widen. Its like a blanket! I wrap it around my hips and it drags on the ground. Hn. I wrap it around my shoulders instead and it covers me right down to my knees.

I walk into my bedroom and open my cupboard. There are several different colour variations here, and I wonder how it is that Kakarot managed to get it all weighted. Maybe he got Piccolo to make this stuff for him. Privately, I'm grateful that he's working on getting me back into shape. I pull out a white vest and some black drawstring pants and then pull some socks on. I feel the drag, but only slightly.

My back feels loose and supple and if I had a tail it would likely be wagging. I wonder if I can get Kakarot to rub my back every day. I walk into the lounge slash kitchen, and Kakarot's busy taking something out of the oven. "Take a seat and dish up, Vegeta. I'm just checking if the potatoes are grilled."

I take a seat on one of the high chairs, reaching for the bowl of butternut chunks. "I didn't know you could cook, Kakarot."

He grins and sets down a tray with a roast chicken and crisp potatoes wedges on it. "I taught myself! Saiyans can remember anything they see, whether it's a fighting style, or technique, or even a recipe. I used to watch ChiChi cook and with a little bit of practice, I taught myself the subtle things. Besides…its not like I have a choice. I've had to learn."

I shift in my seat as Kakarot's voice becomes depressed suddenly. Not knowing what to say, I dish up some more food. "Well…your food looks excellent, Kakarot."

He smiles as he sits opposite me, pulling off his oven mittens. "Thanks, Vegeta."

I try to smile back, but it doesn't feel right, so I drop my eyes to my food and start eating. He joins in and as with any meal involving Saiyans, it's spent in appreciation. I haven't eaten in a while and my stomach's a little shrunken, but I put away three plates. Kakarot seems pleased by this, though he wolfs down about eight or nine full plates. I wonder where he found such Saiyan sized plates, but they're probably just platter plates.

I lean back in my chair and rub my stomach. "That was delicious, Kakarot. I'm really craving something to wash it down with."

He looks up from his plate, grinning like the sunshine. "Aw, thanks, Vegeta. Um, I don't have anything alcoholic in the fridge, but I've got lots of juice and sodas and stuff. I guess those cravings are kicking in now, huh?"

I nod, drumming my fingers on the table. It's not out of impatience, but my body is feeling twitchy. Kakarot leans over and rests his hand on top of mine, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

"I know it's hard, but I'm here if you need _anything_. Even if you just need to hit something."

I nod again, still looking at the table. He withdraws his hand. "I'm going to clear up dinner but I won't be long. You want to do anything? Spar? Watch TV?"

I shrug. "I wouldn't mind if you…if you got the rest of my old injuries to go away like you got rid of the ones in my back."

"Sure thing. You go stretch out on your bed and I'll be there in a minute."

I amble off, privately pleased that I've gained a brilliant masseuse in this whole deal. This shouldn't be so bad, right? I'm strong…I can get through this. I still suspect that Kakarot has an ulterior motive, but I'm willing to wait this out. I would like nothing more than to get rid of my…problem. I haven't been sober long enough to think it out before, and now that I realize what I've lost and what I can get back, I'll deal with the cravings.

Even though I'm tempted to swallow housecleaner to get some alcohol into my system. I suppose that's the addiction part creeping in rather than the conscious desire to forget. Even if my mind knows that it doesn't want any alcohol, my body refuses to agree. Stupid dependence. Didn't I always swear that I would never grow any need for anything?

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"I think we need to find you a new hobby, Vegeta."

"Mmm."

I sigh as I continue rubbing out the knots on Vegeta's back. I really don't mind doing this; I like seeing him relaxed. It's just that it's hard to get Vegeta to concentrate or listen. He's like a mush ball that can't put sentences together. I didn't know I was that good.

"How about a plant? Or maybe a pet, if you're feeling adventurous."

"A little further down, Kakarot."

"Are you listening to me, Vegeta?"

"Not really."

I sit back and fold my arms to get his attention. His pout over his shoulder is priceless. "What happened to the rubbing?"

"Listen to me for a moment. I figure I need to keep you busy with something less destructive than binge drinking."

He looks away, probably ashamed. Damn me and my bluntness. He rolls onto his back and sits up against his pillows, looking at his lap.

"I guess…a pet would be okay."

"We can go get one tomorrow then. Maybe you could raise a baby parrot or a puppy. You strike me as more of a cat person though."

He shrugs, fiddling with the drawstring on his pants. "I've never really tried any sort of pet care, but I did like looking after Trunks, when the woman would let me." A fond smile. "She was always worried I'd drop him onto his head or hurt him or feed him incorrectly. I used to just sit and watch him drool and crawl around and chew on me."

I smile and take his left foot into my hands, reaching for some cream to rub into them. "I was pretty much the same with Gohan. I was a bit careless sometimes and he had a few accidents because of me, but I did enjoy looking after him. Didn't enjoy the nappy changing and all that though. I really am the world's worst father."

I drop my eyes to Vegeta's foot, rubbing cream into the arch. He really has beautiful feet; he's looked after them well with those boots of his. I'm almost flatfooted and my toes are mangled and ugly but Vegeta's feet are long and sculpted and arched. I rub cream along his heel and silence settles between us. I can feel him watching me, but I don't really mind.

"You're not a bad father, Kakarot."

I don't look up, instead watching my hands. "That's not true, Vegeta. I never provided for them in any way; I couldn't even set a good example. Piccolo is more Gohan's father than I am and Goten's never really thought of me as anything other than a storied hero. They don't even want to visit me now. I can't blame them. I wanted them to be fighters and tried to turn them into my clones because my childhood was happy because I did what _I_ wanted. But I forget that they're only half-Saiyan and that they just want a normal life, the opposite of mine. They want girlfriends and popularity and wealth whereas all I ever wanted was battle and a good meal, and maybe some like-minded company. Maybe if I'd had a Saiyan mate and Saiyan kids, things would have been different."

Vegeta carefully tugs his foot out of my grasp to get my attention. "There's the crux, Kakarot. You're a Saiyan in a human world. No matter how hard you try, you won't fit in. Not with them. You did right by your kids because their morals are the same as yours and they aren't bad kids. Your ex probably didn't speak well of you around them and only reinforced whatever doubts they might have had. Don't blame yourself for that. Your heart is in the right place, as they say. After all; you're putting up with an alcoholic like me."

He smirks and presents his foot again. "See, I'm perfectly capable of clear and coherent thought when I'm sober, even if I don't want to think. Enjoy this while it lasts."

I grin and take the proffered foot again to resume my rubbing. "I intend to make it last, Vegeta."

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That reminds me! I would love suggestions for Vegeta's pet, and a name! All due credit will be given. Thanks!

(goes to cradle wounded hand)

Thank the gods that this was at least written last week…


	4. Coping Mechanisms

**Four: Coping Mechanisms **

AN: _In__the__words__of__a__great__AI,__its__been__a__long__time.__How__have__you__been?_

_I deeply, deeply apologise for the massive delay on this chapter. Four years is far too long for anyone to have to wait for an update, and for that I am sorry. Thanks to DarkDragonDreamer I am back, and I will try my best. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. _

Breakfast in bed? What is this, Kakarot's five star bed and breakfast?

"Kakarot, you really don't have to."

He grins and sits next to me with his own tray on his lap. "I know, but I wanted to. And I'm always up with the sun and I was bored because I was waiting for you to get up. We'll go get you a pet today to keep you busy, and maybe a few board games. And I got an idea last night while I was getting ready for bed. Maybe you should write about your life. You've got so many stories to tell about so many planets and about overcoming the worst of circumstances and I think it would make a great novel. Maybe you could even get published."

I cut up my bacon, separating the fat. "I've always toyed with that idea, even though I'm not a great storyteller."

"I've got faith in you. Just give it a go."

I sigh and fork some bacon. "Alright, Kakarot. But if it doesn't work out, I'm not going to bother."

He grins and snags the bacon fat off my plate. "By the way, Vegeta; what's the Saiyan word for 'good morning'?"

I blink at him. "Huh?"

"I'm trying to build my vocabulary. Since I've got you here with me, I might as well learn my native language."

I nod in approval. I'm glad to see him taking an interest in his culture. "The word you want is _hyoro_. He-yor-o."

Kakarot mulls it over, carefully pronouncing it the way I did. "He-yor-o."

"Hn. You've got a natural accent already."

He grins, seemingly grateful for the small praise. We devour breakfast and Kakarot takes my tray. "You want to shower before we go or you just gonna change and brush your teeth?"

I stretch briefly, yawning as I do so. "I think I'm still raw from last night's scrubbing. I'm just going to change and brush my teeth. We can go after that."

He nods and goes to the door, edging it further open with his foot before slipping through to the kitchen. Another yawn then I'm up, feeling well-rested and loose. Physically. Mentally, the back of my mind is wired up tightly like piano wires, threatening to snap and lash against whatever control I have now. I don't like it, and I really hope that I don't see or smell any alcohol today. I'm worried about mood swings and taking them out on Kakarot. I'd best discuss this with him before we leave.

I shuffle over to the cupboard, knuckling sleep out of my eyes. I could sleep until the Nameks come home but I have to keep moving on with my life. I can't remember the last time I saw Trunks. He stopped talking to me when I forgot his birthday and that parents' thing at school. And Bulma…she tried to stop me, but she gave up and then disappeared into her labs. Now that I've been sober for a full day, I can see how much damage I've done and how far I've got to go before things start looking normal, if they ever were.

I open the cupboard door and drag out some jeans and a blue long-sleeve shirt. I open a drawer to find an assortment of fingerless gloves. Kakarot must know why I wear them, and know that I refuse to be seen without them. Thoughtful idiot. I slip on a pair of black leather gloves and look around for shoes. In the next cupboard are three rows of shoes and I shake my head. Kakarot _definitely_ got help from Bulma. She always insisted that I have at least fifteen pairs of shoes. She had fifty and yet she never had enough.

I grab the nearest pair of sneakers and socks and sit on the edge of my bed to put them on. Once that's done, I brush my teeth and walk into the lounge, Kakarot already waiting and ready to go. He looks up from a Jamie Olivier cookbook and grins, showing me a double spread of some delicious looking heap of food, the equivalent of a Saiyan porn centerfold. Well, we've always been torn between food and women…

"I want to make this for dinner tonight! We'll have to drop into Tregatti to pick up some ingredients while we're out."

"Tregatti?"

"It's my favourite deli. I get really top notch ingredients there. It makes all the difference. You'll love it there; it smells awesome and it makes me really hungry. And good food is my great pleasure in life, after sparring."

I remember all the good food I've thrown up because of my occasional bulimia, and feel slightly abashed. I know it would be a huge insult to Kakarot if I threw up his food. I know he puts a lot of effort into it. He stands up and swings on a denim jacket.

"It's a little bit chilly outside but that shirt should be fine. You're looking better already, Vegeta. You've got some colour back and you smell better. No major offense intended but you looked like you'd been sleeping in a dumpster."

I roll my eyes and walk towards the door, hitching up my jeans. They keep sitting low and I don't like that. "You're great for my ego, Kakarot."

He laughs and follows me outside. It must be Spring here, which explains the bright and chilly mornings. Kakarot lifts into the air and I try to follow him, but my ki isn't responding properly. I stumble in the air then drop to the ground, infinitely frustrated. Kakarot hovers in the air, biting his lower lip. He _knows_ I won't accept his help so I try again.

But my ki won't push me up. It slides out from underneath me like a balloon and I fall on my ass, feeling stupid as well as frustrated. I fold my arms and frown. Of course I wouldn't be able to use my ki properly; I haven't used it for a solid year. I've neglected my body and my skills to a shameful degree and I feel my cheeks heat up in sheer embarrassment and shame.

That tequila bottle in my mind's eye is looking pretty damn good _now_.

"You're so cute when you blush."

I glare half-heartedly at Kakarot, relaxing a little at his honestly encouraging face. I know he doesn't think I'm stupid or weak which makes me less angry at myself. I push to my feet and sigh.

"We'll just have to travel your way then."

He nods and drops down to the ground, putting a hand on my shoulder and two fingers to his forehead. A moment of concentration and then we blink out of sight, floating in that strange void between dimensions before appearing in an alley in a bustling city. He lets go of me and gestures for me to follow him onto the main street. It's fortunate that he's so tall, otherwise I'd lose him. The streets are jammed with people, all brushing past each other as they scurry about their lives, all looking depressed about something. Kakarot glances back over his shoulder to look for me and smiles when I sidestep from behind a huge woman laden with shopping bags.

"Hey, catch up, Vegeta!"

I scowl at him, not liking the claustrophobia of cities. My nose is assaulted by body odour, exhaust fumes and the smell of garbage put out for collection. This is why I never ventured out of Capsule Corp! How can humans stand to live like this? I'm so lost in my cursing of human ways that I don't notice Kakarot fall into step beside me.

"What you thinking about?"

I snort and glare at the rambling humanity around me. "About how much humans smell and their general adoration for living like ants in a colony with no identity. Look at them, Kakarot. They're all dressed the same. In black or brown overcoats with black umbrellas. There's no colour. Where are we, anyway?"

"A city named 'London'. It's the best one I can think of for shopping. It's always this busy here, but I kinda like it. I like feeling the combined energy of humans around me. I don't feel lonely here. Like I'm a part of something bigger than I am, you know? I like feeling the swirling of millions of small energy signatures all over the city. Maybe its because I've always been a bit of a country kid that this is all a novelty to me. For a seasoned traveler like you, I guess this jazz is a bit old and worn."

I look down at the pavement, at the smudged gum and cracks and bird shit. I step around people, not looking up but still not touching them. I occasionally bump against Kakarot to dodge a hurried business man and he always smiles with the contact. Like he enjoys it. How he can stand to be around a failure like me is unfathomable, but I am glad of the company, especially when my own is so deplorable.

"Here's Tregatti. I'm just going to drop in to get stuff for dinner. You coming in, Vegeta?"

I jerk my head up and nod, following him into the warm store and out of the constant drizzle. Kakarot is greeted by name by all the staff, and I can see a few females flirting with him. The lug is oblivious to the attention as he flits about, filling his baskets with various goods while I stand and look awkward, as I always have. Kakarot looks up from a display of white chocolate truffles and beckons me over.

"Hey, join in, Vegeta. They let you taste stuff here! Have some chocolate and help me decide which bread we're having for starters. There's some sun-dried tomato and olive bread that they do here and it's _awesome_!"

I nod, letting his happy chatter coax me into following him as he shops. He's always tried his best to involve me in his world, and after our thirteen years of acquaintance, I'm finally joining in. I pick up a packet of brightly-coloured pasta from a shelf, wondering how they get the ribbon shapes to look like small rainbows.

My skin twitches as I suddenly smell wine somewhere. I'm fairly sure its wine; all I need to know is that it has alcohol in it. My forsaken, addicted body turns towards the source, which is an open bottle ready for sampling along with small fillet pieces as an accompaniment. If I'm really quick, Kakarot won't notice. How much harm can one small sip do? Just one. It won't matter.

_Like that first shooter that got you into this stupid, embarrassing mess…_

I hate that little voice. It always sounds like Raditz, who always knew _soooo_ much better than his sovereign. Big, thick, hairy idiot…

I look around, spotting Kakarot with his back to me as he chooses some cooking oil of sorts. I stroll over, my hands itching to grab the whole bottle and slug it down right here and now. A part of my mind knows that this is stupid, that I'll just embarrass myself and Kakarot, but the nature of addiction allows for no dignity.

A hand grips my shoulder just as I reach for one of the dainty wine glasses. I sigh and put it down slowly, Kakarot's tight grip making my shoulder ache. Shame returns and I hate my weakness. I didn't even try to fight it. Just gave in like a spineless whore to the pimp that takes everything. Where did all my pride go?

_You lost it to Kakarot and that pink freak and you know it._

Kakarot's hand lifts away, though I don't turn to look at him. With steps weighing tons I move away from the ambrosia that laments my departure. The fucking demons won't let me go, if ever. Kakarot doesn't say anything, but the heaviness of his aura tells me the things he won't.

"I'm just going to pay for this," he says in a deadweight tone. I nod and poke at the pasta again, the colours not so mesmerizing this time. A habitual scowl settles on my face as I get angrier with myself with each passing moment. Sobriety has a painful way of magnifying things and destroying any self-esteem I might have found in the last two days.

I miss the void. Gods, I miss it.

Kakarot walks out of the shop and waits for me outside. I don't know whether to apologise or shrug it off or make it into nothing or everything. The thought of Kakarot being _angry_ at me makes me uncomfortable, maybe a little frightened. The old me would have scoffed that I would be affected by the tall Saiyan a foot ahead of me. I _am_…

was…Prince Vegeta. I apologized to no one and for nothing. I didn't owe anyone anything.

But along with my title comes an instinctive graciousness; when given a favour, it is owed. Don't fight those that would help, and once I ignored that advice. That stubbornness led to my rivalry with the one man to ever forgive me anything.

I simply follow him down the street, staring at the pavement and sliding between humans without effort. Kakarot has brown paper bags balanced on the crooks of his arms like grandchildren and hasn't said _anything_. I wish he would. I've never been good with silence.

He walks into a large restaurant topped with a big yellow 'M' and gestures towards a booth, putting the grocery bags down next to me. He's off in a moment and I simply stare out the window, slumped against the garish, red vinyl of the chair. I suppose I deserve the silent treatment; he can't take me to a fucking deli without me finding some alcohol. Worse than that, I didn't even try to defy the allure of happy oblivion. Just spread my legs to get taken again by my damn addiction.

And yet again I ask myself; how did it get so bad?

I'm too lost in my self-destructive thoughts to notice Kakarot returning. Its only when the tray of burgers, chips and drinks is placed on the table before me that I look up, inordinately relieved to see that Kakarot doesn't _look_ pissed…just confused. Like I am. Perhaps even more so.

"Hungry?"

"Sort of."

He nods and sits down, unwrapping a double cheeseburger with care. "I'm not that pissed at you, Vegeta, so you can stop looking like a beaten puppy."

I blink, much to Kakarot's amusement. His face softens and he cocks his head to the side. "Now you just look like an overgrown kid. Eat up, and then we'll talk."

I shrug and pick up a burger box, popping the lid open to reveal one of my vices here on Earth. I look up at him to see him grin behind his burger.

"How did you know that I like Quarter Pounders with extra cheese?"

He swallows his mouthful and taps his temple. "Fusion, Vegeta. If you meditate hard enough, you'll find my memory residues in your mind. I understand everything you are, more than you probably do yourself; who better to help you?"

I don't like the idea that Kakarot knows me so intimately, but he hasn't used it against me and wouldn't anyway; his conscience is a thousand times stronger than his muscles could ever be. I tuck into my meal, not really wanting to discuss the incident at Tregatti. I'm hoping Kakarot will ignore it too or at least wait until we get home before he gives me one of his talks.

Unfortunately, I'm not so lucky.

"Vegeta...we've got to get to the root of this."

Nod, chew, swallow. Let's not get so personal in public, Kakarot. Please. I keep my head down, wishing I still had bangs to cover my eyes. Frieza tore them out for that very reason.

"I mean, I know that something major's got to be bugging you for you to just give in. You've been through some tough shit before but you only started drinking a year ago."

"Do we have to discuss this here?"

"Why not?"

I lower my head even more, hating to expose the back of my neck to him but refusing to look him in the eye.

"Because its not something that I'm proud of, Kakarot."

He shifts and picks up his burger again. "I know you don't want to discuss it but you can't stay like this forever, Vegeta. This just isn't like you. You're not meant to be so weak."

I feel my body stiffen, shame and anger rising as a singular heat to my face. I hate the fact that he's right, and that I couldn't land a decent punch on his smug face now if I tried. I hate being his charity case. I hate being sober and thinking about things. I put my burger down and stare at it instead; if I keep it in my grip I'm likely to squash it.

"Drop it, **now**. I'm not discussing this here. And not until I'm damn well ready."

"Stop being stubborn, Vegeta."

"Stop being so interfering, Kakarot. I don't owe you anything."

His aura actually tenses up and hardens and fingers grip my chin and tilt my head up to meet his black, burning eyes. His grip is too tight and bruising but the ferocity of his glare stops the protests dead in my throat. I swallow as he leans closer.

"I'm the last person left in this universe that cares, Vegeta. I'm trying my **damned** hardest for you and all I ask for is a little fucking cooperation. Don't push me away or ignore me because you're too damn scared to face up to your demons. I shared those demons with you; I was part of you and dammit, Vegeta, I just want to get you back. I want back the Prince that was the embodiment of strength and control and power. Even though that Prince might hate me, I want _him_ back. You're a shell now and you know it."

He lets go and picks his burger up again, tearing a bite off and glaring at me as he chews it slowly, face somewhat flushed after his outburst. I so badly want to slap him, but he'll block me and get pissed in the process. I know that I'd have to do a hell of a lot to really get Kakarot to hate me, like kill all his friends and family, but I don't really want him to leave me. I hate opening myself up to examination, and I hate it that I'm a burden and a failure. All the anger leaves me in the face of overwhelming despair and self-loathing, my shoulders slumping under the full force of my disappointment. Kakarot's right. He always is, much to my eternal chagrin.

Am I really worth saving?

My perpetual self-disgust must show on my face because Kakarot's face softens and his tail curls around my knee under the table. I look out the window, feeling my face flushing even more. The tail squeezes and Kakarot leans forward.

"I shouldn't have insisted on a public interrogation. I'm sorry. But we can work through this at your pace, as long as we make a little progress each day. Even if its just getting you back in shape."

"Why do you care?" I ask, my voice distant. "What is it about me that's so important to you ? I'm just a...a...failure. Not worth my damn boots."

No answer but Kakarot reaches over and puts two fingers to my forehead. I look up to see him smile before we're whipped away to the capsule house, landing on our asses in the grass. Kakarot kneels before me, tail bushed out slightly as it curls around his waist, tip ticking.

"Kakarot, wha-?"

"You're not a failure, Vegeta. You have never, ever failed anyone. I want you to know that."

His voice is serious, but he's blushing a little. Why? He hurries on, rubbing the back of his head.

"I told you before, Vegeta. I just want you to be yourself again. I miss how you used to yell at me and push my buttons and make me feel like sparring just to prove an old point. I miss how you were so strong for all of us and for yourself. You were the paragon of everything that it meant to be Saiyan, and you could be strong and clever and no one dared challenge that confidence. I always wished I could be smart and strong but no one would ever let me be that way...least of all myself. No one _dared_ mock you openly or tease you or question your authority. I looked up to that, I really did."

Kakarot sighs and sits back on his heels, dropping his eyes to the grass.

"I missed you in Otherworld, but after I came back you weren't _you_ anymore. After Majin Buu, you became quiet and withdrawn. I couldn't see that fire in you any more. You weren't the same Saiyan you were before I died, before you died."

A shrug, though it seems forced. My mind isn't working all of a sudden. I can only stare at Kakarot. He doesn't look at me, instead looking over at the river.

"And I wondered why. It has to have something to do with Majin Buu, and maybe me. If I have anything to do with it, then I want to fix it. And besides...you're the best sparring partner I could ever want." A sheepish grin as he looks at me. "That's a bit selfish, I know, but I'm sure you miss beating the shit out of me."

I manage a smile, as weak and pathetic as it is. I can't smile properly; I think I look ridiculous when I try, but there's no harm in doing so.

"I wouldn't mind kicking my boot print into your stomach, now that you mention it."

He laughs, and suddenly, everything looks like its going to be okay. How does he do that? How does he make even the most oppressive self-hatred dissolve like this? How is it that I can't stay mad at him anymore?

Dammit, it was so much easier before the idiot died...

"Hey, should we go get that pet for you, my prince? Maybe a crazy little Chihuahua of sorts? With big ears and eyes and a tiny body?"

I snort, absently tugging at my glove. "I'm a prince, Kakarot, dammit. I want something befitting my royal heritage!"

"A dinosaur then? Oh, wait. No cuddle value."

"Bah. Cuddling is for children. Like Trunks and that oversized black bear of his."

He grins and his tail uncurls from his waist to wave behind him happily. "We'll get you something, Ouji. Something that won't compete for attention and equals your elegant stature."

"No such thing exists, Kakarot."

His grin softens as he stands and pulls me to my feet. "Maybe not in this mortal world, but I'm sure we can at least find something that suits you. Let's get to the fun stuff; things aren't always going to be easy. But you know what, Vegeta? Even with today's little hiccup, you're making plenty of progress simply by agreeing to give me a chance. There's plenty of hope for you, my Prince."

He smiles and puts a hand on my shoulder, then two fingers to his forehead before whisking us away again.

This instant transmission thing is going to make me lose my lunch someday.

After picking up our forgotten groceries and taking them home, I take us to an animal shelter where I help out a few shifts a week, doing things like feeding and washing animals and hosing down the cages. There are about a hundred and fifty dogs here as well as cats and even chickens. Most of these animals were abused or abandoned, some having run away because of firework celebrations and never got claimed. However, the new microchip technology makes it much easier to trace back owners. There are many animals here that I'm particularly fond of and I'm sure there's one that Vegeta will like.

We walk into the reception, where one of the volunteers is manning the phone. Her name is Lauren and she's really sweet and patient. She's done amazing work with some of the abused animals. She waves as I walk in, cradling a fluffy brown cat on one arm. It has a splinted leg and looks comfortable in her hold, purring contentedly while she writes in a book.

"Hey, Goku! What brings you here? I thought you were taking a sabbatical."

I smile and lean over the counter to scratch the cat behind the ear. "I brought my friend here to pick a pet. Who's this little fur ball?"

She rubs the cat's neck with the side of the pen, the purr growing deeper. "This is Munchkins, a pedigree Persian. She got knocked by a car and fortunately the driver stopped and picked her up. Its good to see that some people still have a conscience."

Vegeta shifts behind me and I turn to him. "Let's go through to the animals, Vegeta."

He nods and follows me after I say goodbye to Lauren. A side door leads into the rows of cages housing the dogs. Fortunately, this is a relatively well-run shelter that gets cleaned often and has grass patches inside the pens so that the animals don't have to lie down on concrete all the time. Vegeta looks thoughtful as we start at the top of the first row. Many of the dogs recognize me and jump up to greet me. I laugh and let them lick my hand; the netting is designed to stop kids from putting their hands though.

"Why are these dogs here, Kakarot?"

I blink, then realize that Vegeta likely hasn't come across animal shelters before, nor been to one. I turn away from a Doberman.

"These dogs don't have homes, for various reasons. Sometimes, popular movies make a certain breed of dog or cat popular, then parents buy them for their kids to keep up with pop culture. Six months down the line, those pets lose their appeal. Like the _101__Dalmatians_ movie; after that came out a lot of Dalmatian puppies were bought, but pedigree dogs are generally prone to illness and don't make very good family pets so eventually they get abandoned when the kids get tired of them. Sometimes animals are abused or run away from home and we find them and give them a new home. They stay here until they can get a home, and only if one can't get a home after a couple of years do we put them to sleep. Its kinda sad, but I try to help where I can."

He nods, looking down the row of cages. "Trunks brought home a puppy once, when he was five. I think he found it somewhere, or maybe he traded it for something. I didn't think it was a big issue for him to keep it, but Bulma kept getting upset about the mess it made and made him get rid of it. Poor kid cried for days after that. The dog probably ended up in a place like this. I'm sure Trunks wouldn't have abandoned it."

"I'm sure that now that he's older, he could do a better job. It would make a nice birthday present; he can keep it at our place if Bulma won't let him keep it."

Vegeta looks bitter for a moment, then unfathomably sad. "Trunks won't talk to me. He hates me."

I don't know what to say. Trunks might not _hate_his father, but I know that the kid refuses to acknowledge his sire. And I know that Trunks is Vegeta's true pride in this life; I know I'd be devastated if Goten wanted nothing to do with me. I could tell Vegeta that my own kids don't come to visit me at all, but that won't help the situation.

"He hates the Vegeta of the past year. You aren't that person anymore, not unless you choose to be. We'll make things better, Vegeta. When he sees that his father has returned, then things will work out; he's young, and he'll forgive."

Vegeta shrugs one shoulder, something he does when he doesn't want to discuss a topic any further. I change the subject, gesturing to the cage behind me. It holds a gray-blue Great Dane with a heavy, elegant head and large paws. "Well, this one reminds me of you. Not that he's as good-looking, but he's a fighter. Came in here covered in bruises and cuts and bits of glass but found his way here on his own and refused to give in. He was really sick but he fought his way to good health."

"What's his name?"

I smile and bend down to look at the Great Dane. "I named him Vegito. He's my favourite dog here."

Vegito seems to understand, lifting his huge, heavy paw and placing it against the fence as he ducks his head down in something like greeting. I'm being honest here; I really do have a great fondness for this noble dog. His bearing is so like Vegeta's was; he bears his scars proudly, something undeniably imposing about his very bearing. Like he's the crown prince of all dogs.

"Do you want to take him home, Kakarot?"

I sit back on my haunches and look over my shoulder at Vegeta, who has his hands in his pockets. "I'd love to; I just want to make sure its okay with you. Vegito here is surprisingly good with smaller dogs, especially puppies, so if you want to get a puppy that's no problem."

Vegeta nods, something like a small smile on his face. Gods, I wish he would smile more often. He smiled earlier and I know he's self-conscious about it when he really shouldn't be. I'll tell him about it later, in a more private place.

"Great! Then let's have a look around and find you your pet. Maybe you'll find ten you want. Space isn't a problem and neither is time."

Vegeta looks into a cage with a pit-bull stretched out on his side and snoring. "Something in me wants to give as many as I possibly can a home."

I smile and lean over Vegeta's shoulder. "I donate a lot of my martial arts winnings to this shelter. Its something I can do to help. Animals can't help being victims of human nature and I want to do the best I can for those that fell into the wrong hands. I don't need much cash anyway and I don't hold much value in material stuff. Chichi always has; I guess that's one of the many things we didn't quite agree on."

Vegeta walks towards the next cage, squatting down to look at three puppies rolling around as they play. "Saiyans place more value in strength and principles than material comfort, though we won't complain when it is provided. Bulma never understood why I never wanted anything more than a functional gravity chamber and food; I don't think she quite understands the luxury of my life now compared to what I'm still used to."

We stand in silence for a bit, watching puppies in their celebration of life. Vegeta points at them and looks up at me. "What type of dog is this?"

"Golden retrievers. They make great guide dogs. Vegito is a Great Dane, though he's technically a German Mastiff; they don't come from Denmark at all but from Germany as _Deutsche__Dogge_. Aaaand that one over there is a Doberman. His name is Spock."

"And yet you prove once again that there's a more than decent brain under those spikes. I don't know why you let the humans make fun of you."

I blush at the praise, even though he probably doesn't mean it that way. I scratch the back of my head. "You know why, Vegeta. They'd be a lot less accommodating if they knew I could choose to outwit them. An innocent, brainless grin goes a long way towards calming people down after an unbelievable show of strength. I was naïve when they met me, and they never bothered to notice that I've grown up and been through my pains on my own. It doesn't matter anymore. You're all the company I have left now; I don't have to hide the fact that I've been reading since I got back from the dead or that I've been studying the universe ever since I died fighting Cell."

I look away, feeling ever more the idiot for admitting my previous superficiality to Vegeta. I know he always hated that mask, though he didn't know it was only a mask and nothing more until recently. Vegeta doesn't look away from me, standing up with his usual, inherent grace. Sometimes I get this feeling Vegeta can see right through me; he has on many occasions.

"Good. I'm glad to hear you'll drop the human act. You're far better company when you're Saiyan."

_And__you're__better__company__when__you're__sober._But I wouldn't say that to him, at least not now. I don't know how he'll take it and I don't want to knock down what little self-esteem he might have built today.

To think that he was once the most confident man around...

Or was he ever? I suppose it was foolish of me to always take him on face value rather than look past the ego that was hiding all the pain. It took fusion to reveal the pain he's been through and I'll be forever grateful that I got to fuse with him.

I don't think I'd ever been able to understand him otherwise...

I smile as he looks in the cages, surprised that the dogs are happy to see him; I know he wonders if there's anything worth knowing about him. Vegeta has always been exceedingly hard on himself and I suppose he's never really had the support he needs. He wants to be told he's done well, that his efforts are appreciated; those with the greatest confidence are often neglected. It's always seemed as though he's never needed any approval, like he didn't need meaningless comments to prove what he knew to be true.

Vegeta, abandoned prince.

Not anymore. Not as long as I'm around.

"Kakarot! Hey, are you listening?"

I blink, suddenly realizing how far gone I was in my musing. "Uh, yeah?"

Vegeta snorts and folds his arms, the stance welcomingly familiar. Even the right tilt of his head. I grin, rubbing the back of my head. It seems to break his mild ire and his stance softens.

"What were you thinking about?"

"About you and whether you'd like cats."

He cocks his head to the side, studying me carefully. I guess that wasn't the answer he was expecting. Good to know that I still surprise him on some level. We walk up and down a few aisles, Vegeta asking what the different breeds are. I tell him the occasional story about the animals or my experiences here, and things almost feel normal again. Even more so than ever before. Vegeta and I have never really just hung around together before; he never wanted to and I've never had the courage to try. Of course, I never understood how insulting my actions were before so I can see why he loathed me.

One instance stands out in particular. We never associated much during the three years before the androids came, but Bulma has a gift for bringing everyone together with the occasional lunch at Cap Corp. I was sitting at lunch, and Vegeta was a few seats down by Bulma, and he asked me to pass down the bowl of salad. And I was in a difficult mood that day because my training hadn't been going very well and I snapped and asked why he has to be awkward and call me 'Kakarot' all the time. I said that it was stupid and that I'm 'Goku' and not some Saiyan peasant.

Turns out it was the only form of respect he was willing to give me. Treated me like a Saiyan and not the human I thought I was for so long. He didn't speak to me again until I came back for just one day.

I didn't realize then how insulting that remark of mine had been. It hadn't been easy for him to talk to me back then; my attitude mocked the race he was so proud of. I refused to live that part of my life, of my very being. Refused to treat him with any real deference. Wouldn't stop playing at being human. Sure, I was always polite, but I couldn't stand him and he never understood why. The way he saw it, he'd done nothing wrong. In fact, he'd saved my ass and my son back on planet Namek and died because he was waiting for me to come fight Frieza and still things weren't right. And for that matter, I wasn't sure _I_ knew why I didn't like him back then. I guess it was because he got away with everything. No one dared question him or order him around. There were no expectations of him; he was free. Free to be who he wanted, to do nearly whatever he wanted. He was no one's hero, no one's husband or friend. Just the random Saiyan with a chip the size of Shenron on his shoulder and a bad-ass attitude. Just a freeloader in Bulma's house. He wasn't even supposed to stay, but somehow Bulma got through to him.

Or maybe he had nothing to go back to.

More than a decade lays wasted between the two of us. The two years after our first battle, we barely saw each other, only during the time spent on Namek. Three years of further tension and Vegeta thinking the only way he'd ever win my respect and the peace of his soul was to beat me into the ground and kill me. Seven years of absence, of grieving and howling loneliness and sorrow. I know Vegeta grieved when I died. I saw it in his mind in fusion, and it left a strange twinge in my chest that still won't loosen. I was so lonely in Otherworld; while Vegeta and I hadn't been friends, we had at least understood things that humans never would. I hadn't realized how hard it is to be the last of my kind, and in a way, I was. There most certainly weren't any other Saiyans in Otherworld. I was the last there, Vegeta the last here.

And the last year…

Ever since fusion I've been desperate to put things right between us. I want to be Vegeta's friend. I'll always be his rival, as he is mine, and I'm glad of that, but I want there to be more. But then he started drinking and nothing mattered to him anymore. Not even fighting. The rate at which he deteriorated was terrifying; bottles upon bottles of hard alcohol went into his system daily and the paragon of strength that was once Vegeta no Ouji became a desperate, sad drunk spending all day in his dirty room watching TV or staring out the window. Bulma was too ashamed to call me; it was only after I heard about things through concerned Goten via unhappy Trunks that I called her and demanded to know what was going on. Between the two of us, we came to this arrangement, though…now I'm not so sure I can just hand Vegeta back when he's all better.

I can't help being fond of him.

"Wow, Goku! Thinking of starting your own animal shelter, maybe?"

Lauren laughs as I hand over a list of the animals we want to take home. Vegeta settled on four dogs and five cats, and I'm taking Vegito and another cat. We would take more, but we'll have to see how things go first. I rub the back of my head and grin, though its genuine now, and not a grin to remind people how much smarter they are than me.

"We couldn't really narrow it down. We've got a big place out in the country so the pets will have plenty of space."

Lauren looks at me, then at Vegeta, then back at me. "So, what's your boyfriend's name?"

Vegeta stiffens behind me, though I'm not sure whether in anger or shock, so I hasten to cover.

"No, no, it's not like that! We're just good friends. He's staying me with for a while, that's all. He's from another country."

Lauren smiles, though she looks disturbingly knowing. I can feel myself blushing painfully and Vegeta turns away, saying nothing.

"Come on, Lauren; don't give me that look," I tease, trying to get out of the situation. "There's nothing going on at all."

"Suuure, Goku, sure. I won't say anything."

I groan, hating the fact that she's put me on the spot for something that will likely piss Vegeta off. She sees my anguished look (and obviously my flaming blush) and relents.

"Oh, alright. I'll just see that these pets are documented and given all their shots. You know you can pick them up tomorrow, right?"

I nod and sign off the papers while I track Vegeta's movement with my senses, surprised when he goes back to the animal section. Lauren grins and nudges me as I read over what I've written on the form.

"You sure know how to pick them, Goku. He looks a little ill, but under that lurks a handsome bastard. And if you don't want him…I'll have him."

I know she means it as a joke, but a hot, suffocating flare of possessiveness rises to the surface anyway. It's strange how I have this habit of wanting to gather Vegeta close and never let anyone else near him. How am I ever going to give him back to Bulma and Trunks, like I said I would?

"Um, Goku…the dotted line is there at the bottom of the page, not on the desk."

I smile sheepishly and duck my head, signing off the form. I tend to lose myself all too quickly in thoughts whenever they involve Vegeta. Speaking of the bastard, he reappears covered in cat fur again. I guess he wandered into the pen where the cats are kept. I was right when I said he's a cat person, though he might turn out to be as much a dog person.

"Right, Vegeta. Let's go home," I say, turning to face him. He nods and strolls out the door, Lauren snickering behind me. I give her a hopeless grin and it sends her into further snickers.

"He's not my boyfriend, Lauren!"

She simply grins. "Maybe not yet, Goku, but like I say, he's a fine piece of ass. Best look after him!"

I nod and follow Vegeta outside and put a hand on his shoulder before teleporting us back home.


	5. Lashing Out

Rehab Five: Lashing Out

_AN: Thank you to everyone who began following this story again, and for not lambasting me for being so late with an update. I hope you will enjoy this chapter as well. _

I wince as I hear another tree fall over, another victim of Vegeta's withdrawals. I lean my head out of the kitchen window and see him punching his way through the forest. A circle of fallen giants surrounds him, and he is still vibrating with the pain of it all. The dogs turn their heads towards the noise and then back at me as if to say 'what now?'

"I don't know," I say to them, reaching into their food bag and scooping up some pellets. I empty them into Vegito's bowl. "All we can really do is wait."

Dende the cat leaps from the counter and lands neatly on my shoulder, leaning his head against my spikes as he watches me empty food into four large silver bowls.

"Dende, don't be greedy; you guys got to go first today," I scold the cat, who purrs before leaping back onto the counter in a graceful ribbon of grey fluff. He turns around and sits down, the other three cats (Piccolo, Kami and Nail) coming over to keep me company. I finish feeding the animals and sit down at the kitchen island, pulling a notepad towards me to compile a shopping list. While I am grateful that Vegeta's appetite is nearly back to its usual levels, it is still a pain to have to shop every few days. Now I can understand what Chichi went through trying to feed three Saiyans.

My pen slows at the thought of my ex-wife. Maybe its because time blunts pain and memory that I can think of her now without the customary surge of anger and annoyance. She did try, I think, to mould her bizarre fantasies of normality around her absolutely abnormal family. She did care that I died, which still counts for something. I just…

I miss my boys. And I can't forgive her for taking them away.

A roar from outside and a spike of energy has me at the window in a flash, and there's Vegeta, ablaze with golden power, a crater below his feet and the forest flattened around him. His chest heaves, his power is unstable but I never imagined that he could be so heartbreaking when power costs him this much. The gold flickers away and he lands on his hands and knees, head hanging. I can only watch from the house, our pets at my side as I watch him add one more piece back to his life. If I step in now, the progress will be soured and it'll be another round of chasing him away from alcohol. Last week's midnight dash was difficult enough; I don't think I'm ready yet for another dark, dark depression.

He manages to get one leg below himself and braces his palms against the ground. He pushes up, straightens and wobbles. It takes everything I have not to teleport over there and catch him. He falls and the curses burn the air before his face. He tries again, his power now bottomed out and his body weak from days of training. He very nearly falls and catches himself. He sways but remains upright and turns to look at me across the stretch of grass. A brief nod, and as he leans to the side I am there, as I have always been in some way.

"Hungry?"

"Tired," he says quietly.

I take him home.

"Why can't I read without a cat in the way?" Kakarot grumbles as Kami settles on his chest and fluffs his tail in his face.

"As a great author once said, 'cats were worshipped as gods once. They have not forgotten this'. Perhaps that's why the cats and I get on so well."

"Shut up, Vegeta," grumbles the idiot. "Go back to killing zombies."

"You're just jealous that my gamer score is higher than yours," I reply, picking up the katana and hacking through the zombies in the hotel. It is remarkably effective and the gaming is cathartic. If anything, it keeps my mind off the thirst.

"So what do you want to do this weekend?"

I pause the game and look at Kakarot, stretched out on the couch with the book held up and to the right while his left hand scritches Kami behind the ear. The dogs are arranged in a formation around us, the same as always. Gotenks is by the kitchen door, Vegito at my feet, Gogeta under the TV and Raditz is next to wherever Bardock is. The pets are so named because these are the people that Kakarot thinks of and misses. Since it matters to him, I don't mention it.

"We haven't made plans before, Kakarot."

"We haven't been ready for a weekend out yet, that's all. Perhaps we can reconnect with the kids, or –"

"No."

Kakarot carefully puts the book down, though he does not dislodge the cat. "Vegeta?"

I fold my arms and look at the floor. "I'm not ready. At least, not for Trunks' disappointment. You saw me out in the forest today, and that was me trying to keep the withdrawals under control. I don't know if I could cope with Trunks not wanting to be part of my life anymore. At least this way, I can hope he will forgive with time. I can hope that he wants me to come back home at some point."

At the mention of home Kakarot's energy dips and dims for the briefest moment, then smoothes out into its usual warm glow. I narrow my eyes slightly in thought and Kakarot pretends it didn't happen. As usual. As he always has.

"Well, then maybe we can go to a movie, or a bowling alley or something. Family can always wait, that's what they do."

"Fine. Perhaps we have become too holed up here, and I wouldn't mind seeing a new face or two."

Again there's that dip, but it takes a finely honed sense to pick it up. He probably doesn't even realize he's doing it. And while I can sense something's wrong, I just don't have the tools to analyse and deal with it. Perhaps in time.

"Then South City Central it is! Perhaps we can catch the eight o clock show, there's a new Disney movie out."

"Kakarot, _no_! Don't tell me you love Disney!"

"But Vegeta, I love happy endings! Whole planets don't die in Disney."

I felt my back tighten and felt something like shame and rage slither down my spine into my stomach.

"Excuse me," I mutter, pushing out of my armchair and stalking out of the room. Kakarot hesitates and I drop my energy to ice-cold depths, enough clear warning.

Whole planets indeed. Like this one. Like mine. The ones I failed to save despite my vaunted strength. The memories, bitter as blood, rise unbidden and suddenly nothing seems better than drunken oblivion. Perhaps I can make it to the next town before –

"If you drink now then all of this will have been for nothing," he says behind me.

"Even if I didn't drink, Kakarot, this will all have been for nothing anyway. You have done nothing but save a failure from a slow, ignoble death."

I don't even look at him as I take to the air, but in an instant he has me pinned to the grass, his knees on my biceps. Power made electric snaps around him and even if I were to ascend now I would be no match.

Still, he could never beat me with words.

"Kakarot, stop behaving like Frieza and get off of me!"

His face pales at the cruel reference, but his grip does not falter.

"I won't, Vegeta! I won't let you run away from this, from _me_!"

"How dare you –"

"How dare YOU continue to destroy all I have left of myself?" he begged, and my heart stopped. There were tears in those green, green eyes, evaporating as they hit his cheeks but there nonetheless. I couldn't move. I had never seen him cry. I don't think anyone has.

He let go of my hands and stood up, stepping away and avoiding my eyes as I sat up. He swallowed and let go of his ascension.

"You forget, Vegeta, that when this is done you will have everything to go back to. A mate, a child, a legacy. You will leave, and I will be lonelier than I was even before Bulma found me. At least then I was just some crazy kid, not…not a Saiyan. Even if its third-class, its more than I had then. I will not have my sons, and I will not have you. If you fail, I will fail with you. You will take our heritage and our power and bury it with you. And when you beat this thing, when you reclaim your strength, you will get all you lost back. And then you will walk away from me, stupid unwanted Kakarot, and all I will have are the dogs and cats! So when you talk about all my work being for nothing, Vegeta, remember that I was the only one who even _tried_ to do something for you other than ignore you!"

His voice is so thick and his energy is so heavy and there's nothing I can think of to say to stop it from suffocating me with its blinding pain and disappointment. I step towards him, but those damnable fingers lift and he is gone, leaving nothing more than the smell of salt and the night sky.

Dammit, Kakarot.

How embarrassing.

I didn't mean to blurt out everything like that, but dammit he really knows where to jab through my defenses. I'm the one who has had to get him through withdrawal, through separation and recovery for nothing more than a kick in the side. To my heart. I know I'm always late but at least I show, and at least I try to win. I don't think there's a battle that ever meant so much and so little at once. There's no world to save, just a forgotten Saiyan who is only using me as it seems he always has. Whether as a punching bag or obstacle or (when he was feeling generous) a goal, I've just been a means to an end for him.

The valley spreads out prettily below me and I prop my elbows on my knees as my legs swing backwards and forwards. I can see the house from here, can sense Vegeta inside. If I concentrate hard enough I can pick up the tiny, warm spirits of the pets. All of them are gathered around him. He loves the animals, though he'll never admit to it.

I should go back. It's been an hour, and I think I've calmed down but I'm not sure if I want to deal with him just yet. When he's angry I tend to get jittery and say stupid things. I hide behind the façade that helped so many cope with me for years, and there's little he hates more than 'Stupid Goku' mode.

Ah well.

I roll forward off the cliff's edge, somersaulting once and then landing on the smooth grass below. A short, slow walk to the house and I let myself in at the kitchen door, dreading the humiliation that always follows emotional exposure to one of the most ruthless men the universe has ever known. A little rich considering how he seems incapable of handling his own emotions anymore.

I switch on the kettle and sit at the kitchen island, grateful for the dimmed lights. I ran my hands up my face and into my hair. If he wants to fight, he can at least bring it to me.

"Kakarot."

And there he is. I look up, and he's dressed in the dark grey cotton pajamas I picked out for him. His hair is wet from a shower, and a towel hangs around his shoulders. He stands in the shadows by the door, his arms folded.

"Vegeta."

He doesn't move, which is good enough. I guess.

"Listen, about earlier, I didn't mean to –"

"No need to apologise, Kakarot. You meant well. I did not. If anyone should be apologizing…"he shifted his weight, and swallowed, "it should be me."

I smiled and gestured to the chair opposite me, which he took. "I was worried that I'd done something really stupid and you'd go have a–"

"I never felt less like having a drink."

It hung there between us, the silence of the house behind us doing nothing to cushion that particular bomb. He looked down at the table, at his ungloved hands. I so badly want to reach out but a vulnerable Vegeta is too much of an enigma for me to know what to do. So I mirror his position, my left hand resting over my right and I lean towards him a little.

"Let's go somewhere, Vegeta. Even if its just straight up to the clouds."

He smirked. "Let's go annoy the Green Bean."

"Race you there?"

His face faltered at the reminder of his lost power, but I grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the house, lifting my fingers to my forehead.

"On the other hand, we may be able to give him a better fright this way!"

"Wait, wha –"

In a flash we landed on Piccolo's head and the Namek landed hard on the tiles, cursing loud enough for Chichi to hear and cross herself, I'm sure.

"The fuck? I manage to get the Lookout empty long enough to mediate and you goddamn Saiyans show up and –"

Its all worth it to hear Vegeta laugh again.


	6. The Sons Return

SEVEN

_AN: Goodness, I apologise for the delay in updates. Hopefully my life will settle soon and I'll be able to provide more. Thank you for your patience! _

It took months, but soon Vegeta was approaching something like his old strength. We trained nearly every day, taking breaks only to heal in the regeneration tank Bulma had installed. But neither of us were willing to push to that brink so close to death in order to get the massive strength boost that would give us. I can't do that to Vegeta, and he doesn't have the strength to do it to me. But we grew in strength and it became easy to forget that we had ever been such hated enemies. We trained, we ate, we lounged around and then got up to do it again, and nothing could have made me happier short of my sons joining us.

The change in Vegeta makes me prouder of anything else I've ever done, more than saving the world. That's always been expected, and gone unthanked, but to see Vegeta glowing with health, to see his strength and know that it is all for my work…well, the comparison doesn't hold up.

"Kakarot, that grin makes me worry," he said, before swinging into a mid-height roundhouse kick that would have caved my ribs in had I reacted a split second slower. I laughed and retaliated with a punch to the face to cover the kick to his knee.

"I was just thinking how amazing it would be to just spar like this all the time, Vegeta. Nothing better."

He smirked but it lacked heat and I responded in kind, blurring out of sight as he did. We were so engrossed in trying to find holes in each other's defenses that we didn't notice the small crowd gathering on the outskirts of the rocky outcrops where we usually punish the landscape. Vegeta grabbed my fist and gestured down with his head. I followed the movement to the top of a rock formation, where our sons stood. He looked at me and I saw worry darken his face and turn down the corners of his mouth. I already missed the light that sparring so brought to his face.

"They won't bite, Vegeta."

He shrugged and followed me as I swooped down to greet our family. I was suddenly hyper-aware of the tail around my waist, the reason why I haven't seen my sons for a year. We landed in front of them, Vegeta standing just behind my shoulder. Gohan stood between Trunks and Goten, who were only fourteen and thirteen, still boys who could be swayed by adults. Gohan smiled unsteadily, his hands on their shoulders.

"Hi Dad, Vegeta. We can't stay long, we're not supposed to be here but –"

Goten ran forward and hugged me, so much taller than when I last saw him.

"Daddy," he murmured, and I was suddenly reminded of the seven-year old child who had fought so hard to save the world in spite of his fear of the dark. I lowered my face to his spikes and squeezed back, and remembered how good it feels just to hold my children and be their strength.

"I'm sorry I couldn't bring them sooner," Gohan said, and he looked so genuinely sorry that I gestured for him to come closer. He smiled and I hugged both my sons.

"It's so good to see you both; I've missed you more than you can imagine, being on the same planet as you and not being able to see you."

"I know, Dad, and I'm sorry," replied Gohan.

"It's not your fault, kiddo."

Vegeta and Trunks looked at each other, and I remained silent.

"You look well, son," offered Vegeta, so carefully. He had never been good at this kind of interaction; the lack of practice would hurt now. I so badly wanted to say something to help, but this was his battle and Saiyans always fought alone.

At least, on the surface.

"You look better, Father," Trunks said, his arms folded. His father's old confidence trick, back when he'd had any. Vegeta stepped forward, a hand out.

"Thanks, Trunks. I'm glad you came to see me."

But Trunks didn't move, and I sensed Vegeta's energy coiling in worry, ready to lash out. Trunks' blue eyes were calm, and while not exactly warm, they weren't cold either. He just looked…guarded. I couldn't blame the kid, but a part of me did want him to say something.

"Trunks, would you like to come have some lunch with us? I'd like to hear about school and your mother," Vegeta tried again, and even Gohan and Goten turned around to see Trunks, willing him to answer.

The boy stood there, and his grip on his arms tightened. He looked at the ground, his long purple bangs covering his face. Vegeta's hand fell to his side and he stepped back.

"I understand," he said softly as his energy plummeted to cold, quiet depths. "I'm sorry, Trunks. I shouldn't have presumed anything, especially after all I've done that has hurt and embarrassed you. You have such pride, and I'm sorry I have let you down."

How much that admission must have cost him. He turned away and I wanted nothing more than to grab him and reassure him that Trunks would one day forgive him and –

"Father, don't go," called Trunks, the boy leaping forward and wrapping his arms around Vegeta's chest, standing to his side. Vegeta looked at him, turned and embraced him properly. Trunks buried his face in Vegeta's gi top and held tighter, and I nudged my sons.

"Let me introduce you to all the dogs and cats, you're gonna love them."

Gohan and Goten nodded and followed me as I flew away, leaving Vegeta and his son to some long overdue reconciliation.

I sat down on the edge of the cliff, gesturing for Trunks to sit beside me. He did so, his legs dangling as his hands braced against the edge. I waited a few moments for him to say something, then decided to start the conversational ball rolling.

"How is your mother?"

Trunks shrugged with one shoulder. "She's fine, I guess. She still works all of the time, and she's got that big Stark Industries convention coming up, so she wants to line up all of her inventions to impress Mr Stark."

"One day he'll notice her, and then he won't be able to resist her," I said, thinking about how interesting it would be to see Capsule Corp and Stark Industries merge.

"Well, she managed to win you over," said Trunks. He looked sideways at me. "Why didn't you and Mom work out, Dad?"

I shifted, and contemplated all the answers to that question. "I suppose…I suppose monomaniacs don't make good partners, son. We were both married to something else; I to my training, her to her work. We only had enough space left over for you, and even then we have let you down. No child should have to grow up outside a lab or a gravity chamber."

Trunks nodded slowly, and we lapsed into silence, overlooking the desert plains. The sun began its slow descent and the cold settled in, though we barely felt it.

"So then…why Goku? Why not her?"

I looked at him, and he was biting his lower lip so hard that I feared it might bleed soon. "I haven't left your mother for him, Trunks. It's just that…Kakarot is the only one who could help me. The only person strong enough to deal with me at my worst. No one else knew what to do, and somehow he did. I'm sure your mother helped him figure things out, but he did what no one else could. He bore my pain with me. You are too young, and Bulma…well, it just was something her incredible mind couldn't fix. Please don't think for a moment that you are no longer the most important thing to me. Kakarot and I have something in common that no one else in this whole wide universe does. It makes for a shared strength. One day, you and Goten and Gohan will understand what it means, but for now you must accept that Kakarot and I need each other because we have no one else like us. Not even our sons, who we will fight and die for. Do you understand, Trunks?"

The boy nodded, and relief swept through me.

"Father?"

"Yes?"

"Can we get something to eat?"

"Of course," I said, quietly thrilled to hear him use 'we' again after so long. "Kakarot will have something delicious waiting for us. Promise me that you'll never tell ChiChi that he can cook much better than she can."

Trunks giggled and rolled forward off the cliff edge, waiting in mid-air for me to lead the way. "And maybe we can spar after dinner?"

"I would like that, Trunks."

He laughed, and I added one piece more to my life.

"Kakarot, we're home!"

It made my chest glow ridiculously warm to hear him say that. Goten and Gohan had hurried home to avoid their mother's wrath, and I missed them already. But at least Vegeta had come back. And not just back, but _home_. Trunks bounded in, obviously excited to be with his father again, a man he had idolized as long as he had consciously known him.

"That smells great, Uncle Kakarot! What have you made?"

I checked the pots as the two royals took their seats at the kitchen island, Vegeta helping himself to a mango from the fruit basket and starting to peel it carefully.

"Well, let's just say that oxtail is a particular favourite of ours, and I thought such an occasion deserved one of the meals I make best."

"You spoil me, Kakarot," said Vegeta, and I felt my ears burn at the tips.

"Only the best for the Prince," I replied, and we caught each other's eye before he smirked and looked back down at the meticulously peeled fruit in his hands.

"Oh wow! You have the most amazing pets ever!" said Trunks, rocketing off his stool and crouching alongside Vegito, who currently had Dende sleeping on his back. "What are their names?"

I watched Vegeta point out each pet, leading Trunks all over the house to meet the menagerie. I finished up the veggies, setting them aside while the rice finished boiling. Oxtail soup has been one of Vegeta's favourites from the very start, nearly a year ago. I listened to the father and son talk as I rearranged pots, set the table and put out drinks. It was comforting to feel Vegeta's energy warm up and soften, usually so tightly wound up that I occasionally worried that it would lash out and hit something. Most likely me. After nearly a year's worth of work, it finally feels like the worst is over.

But if his complete recovery is so close, then…then he won't be here much longer. It'll just be me, boring Kakarot all alone with his cats and dogs.

"Kakarot?"

I lifted my head, and realized that a pot had boiled over right in front of me, and I hadn't noticed. Vegeta stood in the doorway, his hand on the doorframe as he looked at me. I could sense Trunks exploring the house, and I swallowed as he stepped into the room.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, Vegeta. Just distracted, that's all. Thinking about the boys."

He softened and sat down at the kitchen island. "They'll visit soon, Kakarot. Give the harpy time to get used to the idea."

I've never been so grateful that Vegeta would never draw the right conclusions about me. I smiled and set the pots down on the table, resting them on heat-proof table mats.

"Won't you call Trunks? Dinner is ready."

Trunks stayed over that night. The next week, he visited with Bulma in tow and I felt my heart drop to my feet as her four-seater jet landed on the grass. Before the engines had even turned off, Trunks had leapt out and embraced his father with a wide grin. Bulma smiled as she carefully climbed down, her hands in her coat pockets as she crossed the lawn to us. She still looked the same after all these years, though admittedly better dressed.

"Son-kun. Vegeta," she said, embracing us each in turn with a kiss to the cheek. She stood with her hands on Vegeta's shoulders, looking him up and down before grinning at him.

"My, my, Vegeta. You _are_ looking well."

He shrugged, but not unkindly. She looked at me, and smiled softly.

"Thank you, Son-kun. No one else could have managed it."

I nodded, and couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't give me away. How could I tell her that to see Vegeta walk out of here would accomplish what Majin Buu couldn't?

"Mom! Come meet the dogs!" Trunks shouted, and Bulma stepped around Vegeta to go inside the house. I sighed and closed my eyes. Vegeta didn't move.

"Kakarot, why is she here? Did you invite her?"

My head snaps up, and I stare at Vegeta. "I thought you had invited her? I thought…"

I thought you were leaving.

He shook his head. "Maybe she just wanted to see how I'm doing, that's all. We weren't married but that doesn't mean she doesn't care, Kakarot. She paid for all of this, didn't she?"

I felt my throat tighten but he turned and went inside before I could correct him. No, Vegeta. This is _my_ home. My cash, my time, my plan, my life. All she did was give me permission to take you away. But you don't belong to me, you never have, and when Trunks asks you to, you will leave and I will have nothing except memories.

I swallowed down the ache in my chest, pushed aside the impending depression and went inside. Bulma was avoiding the animals; she had never liked them. She liked wearing them, as so many rich women do, but I had forgotten how prissy she is about animal hair. Trunks, on the other hand, had two cats scooped up in his arms, purring merrily away.

"And this is Nail, and this is Kami!"

"That's nice, Trunks," she said. She turned to Vegeta, who had settled in the armchair and watched Trunks play with the pets.

"How are you, Vegeta? How's the…well, you know?"

"Alcoholism? Since when did you mince words, Bulma?" he asked. She shrugged and sat on the edge of the nearest couch, checking it for cat hair first.

"Since it involved the father of my child, Vegeta. Are you ready to come home yet? We miss you, and Trunks would surely be glad to have his father home. I've even upgraded your gravity chamber for you," she said, and as much as it killed me I could see that she meant it with love. Vegeta had always had that effect on her.

He looked at me, but I kept looking at the floor. I had no right to him, not really. As much as I felt he belonged with me, his last third class and the only person who had been there when he had hit absolute rock bottom. But I had not given him the son he loved. I had only paid back the damage I had done to him. We were even and I had never wished so much to be owed something, even if it was so selfish.

"I don't think I can come back just yet, Bulma."

My heart tripped over itself as I looked up and saw Vegeta looking at Bulma, at her shock and…yes, that was insult. Bulma hated nothing more than not getting her way.

"Vegeta, I think you're –"

"I'm not making a mistake," he said quietly. "I still have withdrawals. I still struggle, each and every day, not to drink. No one else can do as much as Kakarot can to stop me. Give me another month, Bulma. Then I might be ready."

She nodded and leaned forward to put her hand on his leg. "I understand, Vegeta. I know the last thing you want to do is put anyone in danger."

"Of course," he said, squeezing her hand gently. She smiled and stood up.

"Well, I must get going; I have a few tweaks to do before I pack up my inventions for the Stark Industries Expo. Trunks can fly home when he's ready."

Vegeta stood as well. "Still trying to woo the elusive Tony Stark?"

"A woman can only dream," she said, winking charmingly at Vegeta. "If I can't have the Prince of Saiyans, I can always go for Iron Man."

"It's a downgrade, but at least he isn't as poor as this Saiyan," Vegeta said, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. She squeezed his hands and turned to me.

"Son-kun? A word, please?"

I nodded, and she waved to Vegeta as I walked her to the jet. She stopped and looked to see if Vegeta was still inside before turning to me and lowering her voice.

"He is perfectly well, isn't he?"

I can't lie, I've never been able to. I nodded. She sighed.

"I thought as much. But if he doesn't want to come back then…well, there's not much I can do about that. I have always loved him, Goku, but I know I can't have him. He never was mine, not in any long-lasting way. I want him home because I miss him, but I know it's not where he belongs. He has never looked so good, Goku. He has never been so comfortable in such an obviously domestic situation. And…"

She cleared her throat and briefly passed her fingers over her eyes. It was a calming gesture I had only seen twice before: first when Yamcha had died, and then Vegeta and she had tried to go on with her life and needed to calm herself before she could speak. It twisted my heart in my chest to see it.

"And knowing that, how could I drag him back to Capsule Corp? His home is here. With you. And he knows that but he doesn't know if he's allowed to stay. He's not mine to give away, but I give my blessings, Goku. I can't take him back to that big empty house because I know the pattern will just repeat itself."

I stepped forward and hugged her. "Bulma, I…thank you. How did you know that I needed this so much?"

She sniffed and leaned back to look up at me. "Oh, Goku…when haven't you needed him?"


	7. Vegeta's Past Returns

AN: Oh, my loyal readers! I am so, so sorry for the delay. I have the next two chapters lined up, they just need some cleaning. I will upload them soon. For now, a delicious long chapter, just for you. You're like a full set of dragonballs: completely wonderful

EIGHT

"Kakarot, do we have any cereal left? You know how the boys get if they can't eat pure sugar for breakfast."

I glanced up from my shopping list, my elbows resting on the handle of the shopping cart. We were shopping for the weekend, our sons due for a sleepover in about three hours and Vegeta's appetite was now on par with mine. It meant a lot of shopping for me, and at the back of my mind I couldn't help counting pennies.

"Um, we'll need to get more, especially Count Chocula. It's Gohan's favourite."

Vegeta wrinkled his nose as he dumped the boxes in the cart, and it was a little adorable.

"I don't understand how they can eat so much junk."

"They're kids, Vegeta; it's what they do. I love cake myself."

He walked alongside the cart as I wheeled it down the breads aisle, and he chucked in a variety of loaves.

"I'd rather have a sandwich," he said airily. "Truly a food fit for a prince. I'd never encountered such things elsewhere in the universe; how they never made it big elsewhere is beyond me."

"I take responsibility for your love of sandwiches," I said, grinning at his subtle praise. "No one else knows the fine art of making triple-decker sandwiches with seven fillings like I do."

"Why do you think I've stayed so long?"

Thankfully he turned away to examine the rye bread selection, because I couldn't help the sudden clench of my chest. I looked down into the cart and swallowed, then briefly shut my eyes. This is not how heroes should behave, being maudlin in grocery stores.

"Kakarot?"

"Hmm?" I looked up and saw him smile and extend a small, black credit card. Was that a glint of gold? "What's this?"

"Sandwich money," he said simply, putting it in my hand. "I told Bulma that I'm eating you out of house and home. This is my old credit card, she had it reactivated now that I'm...well, less likely to spend money on stupid things. It's a limitless card, and that'll buy us plenty. Maybe we should buy a new console, since Gohan accidentally stepped on the last one."

I looked at it, and then at him. "Vegeta, I can't take this. This is your money, and –"

"Let it not be said that the Prince of Saiyans is a freeloader. I earned that money honestly, Kakarot. What do you think I did for seven years while you were gone?"

"What _did_ you do?"

Besides mourn?

He waved a hand absently. "Tournaments. Lots and lots of tournaments. Trunks and I entered them together, it gave us a way to pass the time. They were easy but it meant a lot to Trunks to win at things. And the minute Satan saw us, he'd go scurrying off." He smirked and tossed in another two loaves of bread. "I like to think we ruined things for him a little bit."

I laughed, and his smirk widened and it was one of those golden moments that the universe just couldn't abide by. There was a faint 'boom' outside and the wide, two-storey windows of the store shattered inwards, showering people with glass. We heard screams and were outside in a heartbeat. We glanced at each other, then he nodded and shot up into the open sky, looking around the city for the source of the energy. We were dressed in jeans and shirts, with long coats against the snowfall of New York; it was less than ideal for fighting but it would have to do.

"This way, Kakarot!" he shouted, and I sped after him, his ankle-length coat streaming out behind him.

The energy had a distinctly dark core, shot through with sentient hatred and anger. I frowned and pushed more power into my flight. Maybe it had been drawn to this vibrant island and its millions of energy signatures, and the people of New York deserved better than this.

We landed in front of a small humanoid figure, and Vegeta folded his arms, but not fast enough to hide the tremor he had in his right hand.

I haven't seen it for months.

"Murdock."

The creature smiled, revealing sharp, long black teeth in a face pale as a nest of maggots. He had feathers in place of hair and was maybe the same height as Vegeta. He also wore very similar armour to what Vegeta wore when I first met him, except it was all in black. Skinny, scaly arms were folded across the narrow chest and pupiless eyes settled on Vegeta.

"It's been a long time, Vegeta. You just up and left me, you know."

"I had better things to do," shot back Vegeta, erupting into Super Saiyan with no effort.

Murdock unfolded his arms, and black energy formed around his hands, streaked through with red lightening. He gestured to me with his head.

"New lover? You do go through them, _prince_."

"It is of no consequence to you, idiot," Vegeta smirked. "Are you here to fight, or just to look pathetic? No one likes a clingy ex."

Murdock shrugged, but as his shoulders came down he disappeared, reappearing behind Vegeta and knocking him aside through a restaurant window. I didn't move, because Vegeta would never forgive me if I intervened so early.

With a roar he flew out, sinking his fist into Murdock's stomach, his power flaring and destroying his coat. They exchanged blows for what felt like fifteen minutes while sirens wailed around us, people either screaming or stupidly capturing video footage. I sent up walls of energy around the fighters, hoping to absorb some of the wayward blasts they batted away.

I have always loved watching Vegeta fight, with his grace and creativity and sheer joy in it. It is almost worth being on the outside of it, though I watched carefully for any flagging on his part. It had been eighteen months since he had started training, and he seemed as strong as ever before but I can never help worrying about him.

Vegeta twisted to the side, smashing his fist into Murdock's temple and releasing a blast in that tiny space, sending the invader flying hard into the side of an abandoned bus and knocking it onto its side. Not giving Murdock a moment to recover, Vegeta dived after him, only to be sent flying backwards at the last moment, a crackling energy ball at his chest. He grunted as he flipped backwards, tossing it into the sky before kicking off the ground and zipping towards Murdock. People cheered and I turned to tell them to get _away_ before something happened to them. Why don't humans have any kind of human instinct greater than fame on YouTube?

There was a grunt behind me and I saw Vegeta clutching his side, blood running through his fingers to drip to the ground. He growled as he balanced an energy ball above his left hand, Murdock standing a few feet away, his fingers still extended.

"Not much improvement in twenty years, Vegeta."

"Oh, you have _no_ idea," smirked Vegeta, redly. He spat to the side, not taking his eyes off Murdock. "I haven't even started."

"You'll forgive me then, for not believing you." He thumbed away blood on his cheekbone, then licked it. "You still taste exquisite, after all these years."

Vegeta flung the ball at him and blurred out of sight as soon as it left his hand. I had to concentrate to find him, though I tried not to indicate where he was, keeping my eyes on Murdock. He was a striking specimen, not entirely ugly though not really warmly attractive. I still wasn't sure what to think of this ex-lover of Vegeta's.

Vegeta blurred back into sight in what should have been Murdock's blind spot, but one of the feathered quills on his head shot into the air, Vegeta barely dodging it by arching his back and letting it go past. Murdock disappeared and Vegeta hovered in mid-air, his eyes half-closed as he threw his senses out, looking for the telltale flicker.

But a black boot swung out of nowhere, crunching into Vegeta's mouth and snapping his head back. Murdock grabbed his ankle and swung him into the side of another building, Vegeta going through my shields as though they were air. My hands twitched, but until he was knocked out or unable to fight, I couldn't intervene. He had taken so long to regain his pride; I would not do anything to jeopardize it.

Vegeta clambered out of the building, brushing dust off his shoulders before straightening up as though nothing was wrong. "I have to ask, Murdock; what brought you all the way here? Isn't there some other past lover you could be inconveniencing?"

Murdock lifted his hands as he shrugged. The movement was rather elegant for someone who fought with such brute force.

"I was in the quadrant, and I'd heard stories about how the great Prince had lowered himself to rutting with earthlings. I had to investigate."

Vegeta snorted. "Jealousy is unbecoming of a young regent such as yourself, Murdock. You have a planet to rule, don't you?"

"I would have had, if you had kept up your side of the bargain and not left before I could be crowned!"

The indifference slipped, and Vegeta smirked harder. "I wasn't going to be your blushing bride, Murdock. It was just sex. Great sex, yes, but nothing more than that."

Murdock bristled, and then smiled, spreading his hands before him. "Fine. Let me take it out of your hide, and then I'll be on my way. After I've trashed this lovely little planet."

"You and what Ginyu Force?" Vegeta's aura was suddenly filled with the snapping of pure power, arcing in flares of golden light. "We're not done here."

They flew towards each other and I stepped back under the onslaught of their power, trying to contain it as best I could. Emergency services wailed their sirens and people were hurried away, finally, though it was still too dangerous to fight here.

Vegeta went backwards with enough force to take out several cars, coughing as he tried to prise himself out of the eighth one. But Murdock followed and I flinched as metal groaned under the impact, the bodywork moulding around Vegeta as Murdock hammered at him.

I began to power up, giving Vegeta enough warning that I was going to intervene. I did not save him from himself just to let this happen.

Murdock stood up, his foot on Vegeta's chest. "I'm sorry, did you want something? This is personal, and I'd appreciate it if you –"

A beam of blue energy shot up and hit Murdock in the chest, sending him spiraling into the sky and into the side of a building. The metal groaned and buckled as Vegeta hauled himself up, arming blood away from his mouth. He staggered onto the road and clutched the hole in his side. Blood had run down the length of his body, staining his jeans and left boot.

"I'm not done yet, Kakarot!"

"Just checking," I said, but I didn't power down. He narrowed his eyes at me, but quickly swung his gaze upwards, to where Murdock floated in a miasma of black energy, with not even a scratch.

"I'd forgotten about his irritating resilience."

"Self-healing?"

"To a minor extent," said Vegeta, spitting blood. "Nothing like Buu, or even Cell. He can only do it a few times in a battle."

I opened my mouth to tell him to at least be more careful, but Murdock swooped down, fetching a kick into Vegeta's chest with an audible cracking of his ribcage. Vegeta howled as the ribs caved in, and blood burst from his mouth, spattering Murdock and the street.

"That's enough!" I said, stepping forward. Murdock grabbed Vegeta's shirt and looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

"You have no right, and no claim. I have no interest in fighting you, _Kakarot_. Whoever Vegeta's fucking now has no bearing on my interest. I just like to settle my grudges, especially since this one ran away like a scared Icejin whore."

Murdock was too busy spouting off to notice the hand Vegeta lifted to his stomach. One thing Vegeta is very good at is high-intensity, quickfire blasts. Murdock was sent skidding on his back, coming to rest against the side of a taxicab. Vegeta fell to his knees, his power shimmering around him despite the blood that ran from his mouth.

"I am not, and never have been, a _whore_," he snarled, his hands clenching into fists. He pushed to his feet and straightened his back.

"This is Murdock's way, Kakarot," he said, watching Murdock get up again and pat his injured stomach. "He likes to fight old battles. I've been out of his sight for so long, I'd thought he'd forgotten."

I wanted to say something to cheer him on, but Vegeta's energy was starting to dip. It hadn't been a long fight, and I know he's been through much, much worse than this. Why wasn't the work of the last year and a half enough to help him win? He looked at me, and he paled.

"You don't think I can do it, do you?"

"Listen, Vegeta, I –"

"Silence! I don't need your help, Kakarot! Let me settle this score on my terms!"

"You heard him, Kakarot. This has nothing to do with you," said Murdock, casually tugging his armour back into place before discarding his tattered wrist guards. "Now, Vegeta, how about we call it even and you come back with me?"

"What? You expect me to just drop everything and go to your fetid little home planet with you?"

"Isn't that your modus operandi? Fuck and run?"

"Vegeta and I aren't –" I said, and then clacked my jaw shut. "He's not like that, Murdock. He isn't. I've known him for twenty years and –"

"And you're still mooning after him?" Murdock laughed, putting his hands on his hips. "Well, he does have that effect on people."

"As flattering as your psychotic obsession is, Murdock, I've got a life to get back to," said Vegeta, straightening up and leveling his power out. "Now shut up and fight."

"With pleasure."

I stepped back as their energy levels spiraled, Vegeta hitting the upper reaches of Super Saiyan Two before they both blurred out of sight, the fight continuing in the air. Vegeta's blood spattered, but none of Murdock's. The fight lasted all of five minutes before Vegeta was axe-handled into the ground, the street caving in underneath the impact and sending up a spray of tar and rocks. Vegeta gasped, and blood began to slowly spread from numerous wounds in his torso.

It was enough for me.

I leapt into the air and kneed Murdock under the jaw, snapping his head back. I spread a hand over his sternum and rammed a bolt of energy through him, sending him hurtling into the street, creating a crater like Vegeta's. I followed him down, landing with both my feet on his torso and smashing his entire ribcage to pieces. Blood erupted from his mouth and I put my foot on his throat.

"How _dare_ you come here and call Vegeta a whore and expect him to do your bidding?" I hissed, leaning into his face. "Vegeta is _mine_, Murdock, in whatever way he will have me. You do not speak to my prince like that, and you will pay for it."

Murdock smirked, and I yelped as one of the bristles from his head shot forward and lodged its point in my chest. I gritted my teeth and tried to pull it out, but it shattered in my hand, leaving the barb behind. I floated upwards, energy forming around my hand and ready to deal further damage.

"Hardly the most intimidating attack," I said, but Murdock laughed, blood bubbling from his lips.

"You'll find out soon enough why Vegeta was smart enough to dodge them earlier," he said. Then with a wink, he disappeared. I frowned and waited for the telltale spark that would signal his return, but after a minute it seemed he wasn't coming back.

I hurried over to Vegeta, who was pale and covered in blood and so still.

"Vegeta?" I whispered as I snaked my arms underneath him, one around his shoulders and one under his knees. No response and with the work of a thought, we were back home. I carefully put him on his bed and hurried through the house, to the stash of senzu beans in the bathroom.

There was only one runty bean left, my heart dropping as I shook it out of the tube kept in the medicine cupboard. It would have to do, and at least I didn't need one. I went back to him and carefully levered his jaw open, poking it down his throat. I massaged his throat until he swallowed and I sat back on my haunches, watching the bean do its work. Wounds sealed shut, bruises sank away and colour returned within a matter of minutes. Vegeta murmured, then opened his eyes, sitting up in a panic.

"Murdock! Where did he –"

"He teleported away," I said, with some dismay. I'd really wanted to smash him into the ground myself.

Vegeta sighed, then caught sight of my chest, his hand going to the patch of black the barb had left on my white shirt.

"Oh, Kakarot, he didn't."

I looked down, at his elegant hand splayed over the small wound. "It's just a feather, I'm sure it can't do any harm, except maybe cause a rash."

But he looked unfathomably sad and angry at the same time, and I couldn't help leaning away from him. "Vegeta?"

"Quick, do you have another senzu bean?"

"Um, sorry. That was the last one we had. I was going to go get some from Korin next week as soon as there was a new batch. But it's fine, you're better now and – "

He fisted his hands in his hair for a long moment, then let go. "I didn't deserve it, Kakarot. I could have healed, eventually. I could have gone in the regen tank. I don't –

I can't even _explain_ how dangerous he is. Why I wanted to fight him until he was nothing more than pulp on the street."

He sighed and looked at the patch again. "Maybe it won't affect you, you've already had a similar condition, and it's usually kicked in by now, it is usually instantaneous, maybe we can get Dende to –"

"Vegeta, you're babbling, and it's scaring me," I said, and meant it. "What does this mean? Please don't lie to me, not now."

He swallowed hard and swung his legs off the bed. He put his hands on my shoulders and leaned close.

"Murdock's race is famous for having blood so poisonous that it is a galaxy-wide commodity more precious than some planets. It is a long-lasting, irreversible poison with no known antidote, and it has made him as infamous as he is obscenely wealthy."

"You really know how to pick them, huh?" I said weakly.

"Kakarot, I was eighteen and stupid and in the middle of bloodlust. I did a lot of idiotic things that I'm really not proud of, and Murdock is, thankfully, the last of those things to come back and bite me in the ass."

He unbuttoned my shirt, pushing it aside to see the wound. It was hot to the touch, and furious red spots radiated outwards from it.

"And?"

"Kakarot, take us to Capsule Corp. Now."

"But why? What's – "

"Better medical facilities, now let's go!"

"Sheesh, fine, Vegeta, but –"

He grabbed my hand and put it to his forehead. I complied and soon we were in Bulma's lab, her energy being the easiest to track. She stood up from her office chair, pushing her glasses up into her hair.

"Vegeta! Goku! I saw your fight on the news! I'm so glad to see you're both okay."

But Vegeta looked serious as he glanced up at me. "Look, Bulma, we need to get some poison analysis done and an antidote made. You're the only person who can manage it."

He showed her the patch, which was now really starting to burn. "Can you pull a sample from that black core there?"

"Of course…Goku, if you could just sit here, then –"

Suddenly, there was a flare of pain in my chest, like a dying star, and I fell to my knees, my hands clutching at the agony that threatened to melt my bones down.

"Kakarot!" Vegeta yelled, dropping down beside me. My vision was blackening at the edges and my body began to tremble. I grasped at Vegeta, curling my hand into his shirt.

"Vegeta, help me," I said, and that was all I could manage before the pain consumed me entirely.


	8. My Last Link

Rehab: My Last Link

AN: You are better fans than I deserve. Two chapters for you: one for Christmas, and one for New year. Happy happy, wonderful people!

***

It was happening again. It had been so many years since I'd seen Kakarot lying on a hospital bed, gasping through the pain. I held him still while Bulma extracted what she could, and she gave me an apologetic look as she hurried away to analyze the structure of the poison.

I closed my eyes and took Kakarot's hand, sorting through my thoughts to get to that little patch our minds shared, that fusion had left behind and could maybe be of use to us now.

_Kakarot, are you there? _

There was echoing silence, and then a keen of pain across my thoughts.

_the pain Vegeta oh god_

His voice sounded so small and my heart clenched in my chest, fear icing my blood. Kakarot never sounded so desperate. He never sounded so weak.

I should have been strong enough to destroy Murdock. I should have fought my past, not him. Not Kakarot. For him to die over my mistakes, and for my weakness…

For the first time in a long time, I wanted to drink myself into a coma. If Kakarot didn't make it, then perhaps it would be for the best.

His hand tightened and across the landscape of our shared thoughts he whispered 'no'. Suddenly my despair was washed away by my shame for even thinking such thoughts, especially while Kakarot could hear them. He managed to shakily brush his thumb across my knuckles once, and I lowered my forehead to touch his hand. That he could still be my source of strength while fighting to save his life was staggering.

_I won't leave, Kakarot_, I tried to say. _I am here, always. _

His mind glowed for a moment, before it was swamped by a sickly grey morass of pain.

"Vegeta, you have to eat something."

But he ignored me, still sitting on Goku's bed, holding one hand while he wiped away the sweat that Goku's shaking was producing. On the table next to the bed sat a plate of steak and potatoes, cold and untouched.

"Any progress on that poison?" he asked instead, his voice raspy.

"My machines are struggling to extrapolate the full structure from such a tiny sample. I'm sorry, Vegeta. I was only able to salvage the tiniest little bit."

"And if I brought you the source of the poison?"

"I could probably produce an antidote from his blood relatively quickly," I said. "But, Vegeta, you don't know if he's even coming back. I sent the boys to find the dragonballs. Maybe a wish can undo this. Piccolo should be here with Dende soon; maybe he can do something."

Vegeta nodded silently, his shoulders slumping a bit. "Fine." He looked over his shoulder at me, still dressed in the clothes ripped and bloodied from his fight. "Thank you, Bulma."

I stepped closer and squeezed his shoulder, and he lowered his cheek to press against my hand.

_Kakarot, are you there?_

I'll never get used to Kakarot's silence. Every now and then he is lucid and we can exchange shadows of messages, feelings rather than thoughts. His pain bleeds into me but there's no way I can shut it out without closing him out as well.

_Vegeta?_

_Bulma is making a plan. Dende is trying is best to keep the poison from…from taking over. Keep holding on. I know you can._

The faintest of nods, and I wince as the pain surges, chasing through my body like liquid fire. For phantom pain, it is enough to fragment what little grip I have on myself. I can't help fearing for my own survival if Kakarot goes. I cannot survive his death again. I barely survived last time, and it'll be my fault again.

_Not your fault. _

_Cell was my doing, Kakarot, as was Murdock. Stay alive so that I can apologise properly. _

Kakarot's pain ebbs away long enough for him to say _water_ before he drifts away again. I carefully lift a bowl of water to his mouth and cup his head, tipping it down his throat. I place the bowl on the side table and take up his hand again. The touch seems to bring him comfort.

"I'm sorry I cannot do more, Vegeta," says the little god, standing behind me. The tall Namek lurks in the corner of the room.

"I will not do him harm if you're not in the room, Piccolo," I grate out. "I can feel you staring at me."

"You misinterpret me," he says gruffly. "I am simply amazed at the changes you have wrought in each other. I remember you at your worst, Vegeta. I am enjoying comparing you to that old monster."

There's nothing I can say to that, and so I simply shrug and go back to waiting for Kakarot's thoughts to filter through to me. It is hard to keep my mind open while the pain pours in, but it is the least of what I owe him.

_Piccolo is right_, Kakarot manages after a while, after a particularly sharp spike of pain sends shredded glass through my veins.

_Eavesdropping, Kakarot?_

_Not hard to, can hear the echo. _

I smile and squeeze his hand lightly. _You need to focus on staying alive. Don't worry about all of us out here. _

_You are my focus_, he says, and he returns the squeeze. _Not much else to come back for._

_You have your sons and friends, Kakarot. _

_Sons don't need me. Friends left. Only you to live for,_ he says simply, and my heart gives a kick in my chest.

_Then don't die on me, Kakarot. You'll take me with if you do. _

He doesn't need to say anything to explain the warmth that blossoms from him, rearing up above his agony to reach me intact.

Two days pass, and Kakarot wastes away in front of me. The poison usually lasts for five days, but Saiyan metabolisms are amongst the fastest in the universe. Washed of colour and strength, Kakarot shivers and chokes and it is all I can do to keep him anchored to this life. The pain is enough to take chunks out of his mind, and once he screamed across our minds and I nearly blacked out from the shared agony.

_Let me die_

_Kakarot, give us a little more time_, I plead, not for the first time. To hear Kakarot beg to die disturbs the very heart of me, warping the axis of my existence. I shift and sit next to him, pillowing his head on my chest as I wrap my arm around his shoulder. He clings to me, wrapping around me like the last bit of driftwood in the ocean.

_I promise I won't let you die_, I say, feeling the pain twist around his bones, cracking them into powder.

_I can't anymore_ he keens, and his despair tears through my mind, pulling at my own strength. I grit my teeth and push forward the thoughts and reassurance he so desperately seeks with his panicking, fragmenting mind.

_Kakarot, I will not live without you. Do not die after doing so much to help me live. I would have died if you had not decided to help me. I would have disappeared, a pitiful wreck, alone and unloved and I will not let your work go to waste. After everything we've been through, after fusion and fighting and death, I am __**not**__ going to let you get away from me again. I have already watched you die, Kakarot. Do not make me do it again, because if I have to see you leave this world, I will not survive it. And you know that I will be torn apart and sent to live another life in a new soul. We will be apart forever and there's nothing that will be able to bring me back. So no, Kakarot, you will not die here. _

Even his pain shrinks back in the wake of my declaration, and tears appear at the corners of his eyes.

_I'm sorry, Vegeta_, _I didn't mean to _

_I know, Kakarot. Pain makes us say and do desperate things. Rest now, and believe in our efforts. We are going to bring you back. _

Kakarot lapses into a deep sleep, his grip on me relaxing enough for me to wriggle into a more comfortable position. I yawn and reach for the glass of water on the night stand.

Mid-stretch, a flare of power lights up my senses. I freeze in place as I recognise the signature.

Murdock.

I quickly, carefully untangle myself from Kakarot and run into the hallway, where Dende and Piccolo are keeping guard.

"Murdock is here. Make sure Kakarot stays alive until I get back with Murdock's head and the cure."

Before they can answer I fly out through the nearest window, arcing through the sky to where I sense that bastard's energy signature.


	9. Vegeta's Last Stand

**Rehab: Vegeta's Last Stand**

Murdock was perched on the edge of a rocky outcrop, tossing stones into the valley below him when I arrived ablaze with power. I tried to ignore the fact that I had not eaten or slept for two days, and it was easier to do when Murdock smirked. What an infuriating fucker.

"So, is he dead yet? Ready to join me on a universe-wide purge, Prince Vegeta?"

"Go fuck yourself, Murdock," I growled, flaring my energy. "I might have let you go before, but now nothing would make me happier than turning you into a smear on the landscape."

Murdock floated away from the cliff's edge, black energy building up around him. "Now you sound more like the blood-soaked prince I remember. You've gone soft, Vegeta. You used to have an edge but now…well, now I'd have to say that you're as washed up as you are irrelevant."

"Spare me," is all I said before I disappeared, whipping through the air to fly up from below him. But he flipped backwards, his heel catching me under the jaw and snapping my head back.

"I'm hardly threatened by a toothless monkey," he said as I regained my balance. He flung out a wide energy ball, which I batted back before disappearing again, moving farther away. I was in an even worse condition than our last fight, and he looked better than ever before.

Fuck.

If I didn't kill him and take his blood back, Kakarot would die. I had saved the world before, but the task had never felt as impossible as this. Perhaps it was because this was the first time that Kakarot wouldn't be able to help me.

I barely managed to deflect a kick aimed at my head, firing an energy blast into Murdock's torso. But he flicked it away and returned one of his own into my side. I tried to shift to the side but it burnt through my shirt easily, tearing open the skin and splattering blood against us both. I gritted my teeth as I jetted backwards, but Murdock's foot smashed into my spine, sending me staggering forward. I spun around and shot out a blast of energy, which he casually sidestepped before spinning around, sending a spray of those dangerous, terrible feathers flying. I hurriedly threw up an energy barrier, but as the first wave crumbled against the energy, he reappeared behind me, one hand grabbing my outstretched hand and the other clamping around my neck.

"Well played, sweet Prince. But now, it's time you learned that you do not get to run away whenever it suits you."

And with the white-hot pain of a sun flare, Murdock embedded hundreds of feathers across my shoulders and neck. He stepped back and let go, and I could do nothing but fall a hundred feet to the ground, barely managing to reduce the impact by flaring my pitiful energy a split second before hitting the ground. But still it met me with enough impact to jar every injury ten times over and I could not hold back the howl of pain. Murdock's feet appeared in my blurring vision as each poisonous barb leaked acid into my blood. I panted, and Murdock lifted my chin with his boot.

"And so here you are, Vegeta. Here, lying broken at my feet. You were once such a maelstrom of strength, the most feared Saiyan of them all! And now? I wouldn't stoop to _rutting_ with you. But you know, I look forward to watching you die. You will never save anyone, Vegeta, least of all your latest little toy. Kakarot, yes? Oh, look at the venom in those eyes! A bit misplaced, don't you think?"

I tried to push to my hands and knees but Murdock pushed his foot against my neck, pinning me to the ground. In the bottomless morass of pain I was drowning in, the only coherent thought I could hold onto was that I was going to die here, die because I would never be strong enough, incapable of defending myself, my planet, and the only person who had ever risked everything to help me.

No wonder I had started drinking.

It wasn't so bad if I died here. It was about what I deserved. But for Kakarot to die because of my weakness…

Despair overwhelmed the physical pain, and I shut my eyes against it. I had failed him so utterly, so many times. But all those times, he had survived to forgive me. Kakarot had never put himself in harm's way except to help others, but this time I had put him there through my weakness, through my failed strength.

As my body began to break apart, as black fire broke down each nerve with ruthless precision, I could only see the times I failed. When I had lost to Frieza, and Cell. To Majin Buu, to Kid Buu, all the times my strength and pride had failed to be enough. When I had created the monster Cell that had killed Kakarot, and when my failure to obliterate Buu had led to the death of this planet, of my own beloved son.

Death would have been a mercy, if only I were not dragging Kakarot down with me.

Murdock sat down, reaching to swipe blood off my face and draw runes in the dust with it. "You are surprisingly resilient, Vegeta. I've never seen anyone take such a huge dose before and live longer than a minute. I'm almost impressed."

The curses were too heavy to leave my tongue, and as my heart beat slower and slower, each beat a wave of agony, I only managed a sigh. Moments away from death, and I couldn't even say something to mark my passing.

How pathetic.

And then, with the finality of the earth's mantle cracking, Kakarot's presence in my mind utterly vanished.

For a moment, the entire universe paused. Then it erupted, and in the howling, burning anguish, I became incandescent with pain and rage. Kakarot was gone, and suddenly the weight of every bitter failure, every lost fight, every day that he had given me back and every piece of my life he had salvaged, imploded into the kind of power that blasted the rock below me into dust. Murdock stumbled back as I rose, the pain disappearing under the wash of overwhelming power that burnt through me. I felt my hair tumble down my back, my body obliterating the poison with the star-hot power that threatened to tear me apart if I did not control it.

Murdock trembled, and without even thinking about moving, I crossed the space between us and sank my fist into his face, sending him shooting backwards, the ground tearing below him before he was embedded in the side of the mountain. With a flicker of power I had him dangling by his ankle, and I kicked him up into the sky. I appeared above him before his momentum stopped, axe-handling him back into the ground. With no effort, I was able to snap his spine, open up his stomach. Black blood trailed through the air after him, his body easily crumbling. With a simple, easy thought, he could be annihilated. I had enough power to shame the sun and he deserved to have this dearly-bought strength smashed through his being. It took all of my will not to turn him to ashes, but it was simple work to separate his head from his body with a tug. It was like pulling a cherry off its stem.

I dropped the body and looked at the head. It may be too late for Kakarot, but the antidote needed to be made. It was worth keeping in store in case his kind found this planet and we were not here to defend it.

I was too afraid to let go of this power, because once it left me I would no longer be able to ignore my injuries, the damage the poison had already done. If all I could manage before I disappeared forever was this last gift to the earth, then I needed to hold on. And all I needed to do was remind myself of the price of it.

Goku died at four o'clock on a beautiful summer's day in spite of all the desperate effort we had made to save him. As soon as Vegeta had left, he had deteriorated. We watched our oldest friend rapidly spiral into heart failure as Vegeta's power dropped off the planet. The last two Saiyans died within moments of each other. The father of my child had died first, Piccolo had told me, his head hanging as he sensed Vegeta's energy plummet and disappear. My oldest friend died little more than a minute later, and all of my technology and all of Dende's power could not tether him to this world.

And then Vegeta had roared back to life, powered by the kind of rage and terrible despair that had made Piccolo's hands shake. We had regained one, but no one had the heart to say that it would only last as long as Vegeta's ignorance of Goku's death. That we had all known years ago that Vegeta had only survived his Kakarot's death because of Trunks, and because there was that tiny chance Kakarot could be wished back.

This time, I would lose him for the third and final time, and there was nothing anyone could say or do to change that.

When Vegeta's earth-shaking power made its way back in minutes after reappearing, I braced myself for his terrible discovery, and for saying my last goodbye. I wish Trunks would answer his phone and come back home. Perhaps he was on his way already. Maybe even with the dragonballs.

The glass doors onto the balcony shattered as Vegeta approached them, magnificent in a form that only Goku had ever truly wielded. Hair hung to his knees and almost suffocating power enrobed him. He had a head dangling from his hand, which he tossed to the ground.

"The antidote, for what its worth," he rasped.

He went over to Goku, who was so still and absent. Vegeta bent over the body, his forehead pressed to Goku's collarbone as his fists clenched in his top. He shook, his mane falling over them both as electricity snapped through the room, bouncing from machine to machine. We stood back silently. Vegeta had told me that Saiyans should not suffer alone, and as unbearable as his pain was, I could not desert him. Not now. Not after everything he had gone through.

"Kakarot, I'm back, you should have known I'd come back. I always come back for you, you're the lighthouse that guides me home," I heard him say, and my knees nearly gave out. I slumped back against the wall, Vegeta's grief tangible in the small room.

"You're not supposed to die, Kakarot. I'm the one that always loses, but at least I've nearly always lost in the right way. And I'm fine with that, because at least it was with you, and for you. Always for you. Kakarot, you have to come back this time. One more time, for me. You said you wouldn't give up, and you never have before."

Vegeta spread his hand over Goku's heart, and poured his energy into it, suffusing Goku's body with light. We all waited, we all hoped, and when it seemed that not even the boundless power of a Super Saiyan three could bring Goku back, his back arched as his heart lurched, and he gasped as he fell back onto the bed, his eyes scrunched tight as his body was reanimated. A sob broke out of my throat and Piccolo covered his face with his hands as his shoulders slumped, his relief palpable. Vegeta kept his hand over Goku's heart, and perhaps his power was enough to sustain Goku until I could create the antidote. Piccolo threw his cape over the head, bundled it up safely and left the room with Dende and I. Now it was our turn to save the day.

"Vegeta?" he rasped, and I have never heard my name said with such relief.

"I beat Murdock, Kakarot. I beat him for you. Bulma's making an antidote right now; you have to be strong for a little longer. I can give you power until then."

He smiled, and reached up to touch the veritable waterfall of hair that fell around us. "You are the most wonderful thing I've ever seen."

I leaned down, he tilted his chin up and within the cocoon of my power and our undefeatable belief in each other, we made a promise that this was the absolute last time anything would tear us asunder again.

The universe would never survive it.


End file.
